The Amazing Race: Paper Mario Universe
by Author XIV
Summary: Tiptron hosts this wacky game show through the paper universe! Who will win? Will Doopliss get Vivian in the end? Does Dimentio have and old score to settle with Luigi? What is TEC's IM password? Time will tell... Blumiere and Timpani compete too!
1. Meet the Paper

A/N: Hi, this is my first fanfic. Let alone Mario fanfic featuring some of the most obnoxious, fun, and heroic characters in the PM, TTYD and SPM games! BTW, I don't own Nintendo, anything involving Nintendo, "The Amazing Race," the writing structure or anything else I forgot to mention . . .

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Hello, and welcome to "The Amazing Race: Paper Mario Universe"! I'm you host, Tiptron! Today marks the beginning of our fabulous adventure through many worlds of the Paper Mario Universe to claim the prize of 1 MILLION COINS and a super, secret prize! From Toad Town to Rougeport to the pocket dimensions, Flipside and Flopside, and other places as well, our contestants will solve many clues, complete zany Roadblocks, bring out the drama, and (maybe) become more into their relation stated . . . so, without further ado, here are the contestants:

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_**PEACH AND TEC: Non-serious Dating**_

Peach, princess and currently the fair ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom, and TEC, a super computer that the X-Nauts built to aid in conquering the world that eventually fell for Peach, make a strong duo of brains and . . . prettiness, really. Here's an interview copied and pasted from the M-SP to a script portrayed by actors.

_TEC001: Peach and I are excited to be working together again after so many months of not seeing each other.  
PeachTAR: Well, I guess it will be a nice time together . . . but I'm here to get the million coins to repair anything else that explosion did to you months ago.  
TEC001: Thank you, Peach._

_(TEC has agreed to not use his technology unless communicating to Peach over IM on our approved Mailbox-SP. He may also aid in logical Roadblocks and intricate math problems. Peach has also agreed to do all the work in the Detours and anything else that TEC is incapable of accomplishing due to his physical inability and being on the moon still.)_

_

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_**BOWSER AND LUIGI: Forcefully Friends**_

The fearless Koopa King takes a road trip with his second worst enemy, the green clad plumber. Bowser and Luigi plan to trounce the ones that beat them in the past: Mario and Dimentio respectively. Conveniently enough, those two are entered in this race as a pair. Here's what they had to say before the race began.

Bowser: GWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am _so _ready to trounce that clown and fat Italian!  
Luigi: Especially Dimentio . . . he still freaks me out!  
Bowser: Aw, MAN UP! You're only here with me cus the people thought it'd raise ratings if they saw Dimentio vs. you!  
Luigi: Wh-what?! I gotta battle him again?  
Bowser: *sigh*

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_**DOOPLISS AND VIVIAN: No More than 'Just Friends'**_

The headstrong Dooplighost and everyone's favorite Shadow Siren team up to put their relationship to the test. According to them, if eliminated first through fourth, that means they're not for each other. Fifth through seventh tells us that they're not ready for commitment; eighth through tenth means they start dating. If they win the whole thing, well, be sure to have your camera ready!

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_**MARIO AND DIMENTIO: Enemies**_

The world renowned plumber, Mario, pairs up with dimension and magic master, Dimentio! After his failed attempt to overthrow Count Bleck and Mario's triumphant return to the Mushroom Kingdom, they now have to deal with dealing with each other for as long as they don't get eliminated. Mario had no comment to the interview, but you better believe Dimentio did.

"You know, if I _had_ succeeded in destroying all worlds, there would not be an opportunity to be winning one million coins. I guess it all works out for the best . . . like that song from _Godspell_, 'All for the Best'. *beep beep* Oh, dear me. I must depart like a young child storming out of school on the last day of it. Ciao!"

_(For certain reasons, Dimentio will be bound with a special GPS leg brace approved by The Amazing Race producers in case he tries to avoid labor of the Roadblocks and Detours or cheat to get to the Pit Stop first.)_

_

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_**RED GOOMBA AND BLUE GOOMBA: Brothers**_

Red and Blue first (and LAST) featured in Paper Mario's first adventure as the easy boss before another easy boss. Despite that set-back, some actually believe they'll get passed the first leg. Also, since they have no hands, they'll have to find people who can touch and feel and lift and other stuff for them. They missed the interview date so you'll have to wait to see what they have become after years of being trampled on by Mario.

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_**FLURRIE AND MS. MOWZ: Best Friends**_

Flurrie and her BFFL Ms. Mowz became ecstatic when they found out that the producers paired them up. Being used to the hustle and bustle of getting things and getting to places on time thanks to stage experience, Flurrie matches well with Ms. Mowz's keen eye for subtle details. Some seem afraid of this dynamic duo but will still try to beat them. Too arrogant to come to their own interview, we have nothing more to divulge on these gals.

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_**MERLON AND NOLREM: Mirror Opposites**_

_Seeing as they have already cheated before the first leg to see who would win, I disqualified them and made them swear not to tell who won, for even we don't know. Taking their place will be a surprise "couple" to be revealed at the start of the first leg._

_

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_**ZESS T. AND TAYCE T.: World Renowned Chefs of the Mushroom Kingdom**_

Three time annual winner of the Mushroom Kingdom's "Greatest Chef Award" and host of the annual Shroom and Syrup Festival, Tayce T. teams up with Rougeport's own Zess T., writer of eight successful cookbooks on a wide variety of food and items. These two will have no trouble eating in the wilderness . . . but this isn't _Toad Vs. Wild_. They'll have to rely on more than delicious food to claim the million coins. Each said that they'd split it 50-50 and redesign each other's kitchen if they win. Zess T. also plans on getting LASIK eye surgery to correct her near sight vision.

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_**PARAKARRY AND KOOPS: Long Lost Cousin's Sister's Niece's Husband's Father's Brother Twice Removed (Koops to Parakarry; will refer to as "Distant Relatives")**_

Yes, these two ARE related. Just as clumsy as ever, these two will try to oust the competition with whatever skill and resources they can muster. Forgetting that they had an interview, we moved on to our next group waiting.

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_**DUPREE AND GOOMBELLA: Mortal Enemies**_

Ah, yes. Dupree, the annoying . . . French thing that followed Goombella all throughout TTYD came back with, you guessed, it – GOOMBELLA! Reluctant at first to join her stalker on a journey through the universe of paper, the prizes got to her better judgment and she signed up. Here's a snippet from their interview. _(For Dupree, read in your head with a French accent!)_

Dupree: Ah, my little buttercup! You have come back to me.  
Goombella: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!?!  
Dupree: You are my companion for this little trip, are you not?  
Goombella: Oh, I am SO not your partner! SECUTITY!!!!!!!!!  
Produce T. (Producer): No, Goombella. You signed a contract to travel with him for until you get eliminated. Try to get eliminated first if you want to avoid this person.  
Goombella: Grrr.

* * *

_**NASTASIA AND TOADSWORTH: Dating**_

Our most punctual pair of the game, Nastasia and Toadsworth, may show the others how to schedule to get to the finish line first! Of course, that also means making the right choices . . . here's a little taste of what these two will bring to the table.

Nastasia: Um, yeah. Are you ready to out schedule these cretins?  
Toadsworth: Why, certainly my little buttercup! But careful what you say about the fair Peach.  
Nastasia: I'll make a memo to that, K?

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_**MIMI AND MERLEE (SPM VERSION): Acquaintances **_

Mimi and Merlee. They might get old quickly. But with Merlee's charms, rhyming and seduction combined with Mimi's abilities and money managing skills, this is surely the team to beat. Here's Mimi's interview.

"Well, golly! I'm so happy that I'll get a chance to beat Dimentio and apologize to Merlee! But seriously, who uses coins?! When we win, I'm changing the currency to Rubies."

And now Merlee's rhyme.

"Beating theses saps will be such a snap! I'll be on the sidelines to cheer and to clap!"

* * *

_**And showing up after closing The Void, **__**BLUMIERE AND TIMPANI: Star Crossed Lovers**_

Will our heros from the Void prevail to attain the prizes after months of separation from their fans? We'll soon find out on The Amazing Race!

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Here are the general rules for my version of The Amazing Race:

Each team (excluding Peach and TEC) member must complete at most five Roadblocks.

Maps can be bought after the game has begun; NO GPS ALLOWED (with exception to Dimentio)!

DO NOT BOOK FIRST CLASS! If you are bumped up into first class, that is acceptable.

No contacting friends outside of the race.

Time bonuses will rarely be given.

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

So without further ado, START!


	2. Not your everyday start to a race

A/N: _**time/date**_; **important**; _**rarely used**_; _**NAMES – Relation**_; _(Tiptron comments)_; important info; "mini interview telling about what's going on in the person's head"; _---:Peach and TEC communicating via Mailbox SP _(M-SP for short in this); _the writing on the clue_

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The twelve teams walked into the meadow near Goombario's house. Tiptron fluttered happily next to the carpeted starting line. One pair of people stood next to her: Goombario and Goombaria. The teams greeted each other with disgust, but hid that by being cheery and mellow. When all the teams settled on their spot on the red carpet, Tiptron spoke.

"Welcome! As you know, I had to disqualify one team already. It saddened me because . . . they were the ones that would have won." Each member gasped; Dimentio dramatically flailed his hand in front of his mouth and breathed the most air in. "But, it wouldn't be a game without the required number of teams! So I invited Goombario and Goombaria to tag along." The pair stepped onto the carpet next to Peach who looked like she didn't have a partner.

"Peach, where's your partner?" Goombario questioned. She explained that her partner lived on the moon and how she communicates with him on a Mailbox SP. Goombaria marveled at the sound of a long distance relationship. Tiptron spoke again.

"Five minutes from now, our little game shall begin!"

"I just love a good game!" Dimentio blurted out.

"Shut up, freak!" Doopliss shouted to the purple and yellow clad jester.

"Oh, and your not one?" Mario retorted.

"Watch it, Slick!"

"You're beginning to sound like that old dolt, Watchit."

"Quiet," Tiptron yelled quite loudly, "Control yourselves until the actual race starts! Now as I was saying, this little game will start soon so at the sound of my cell phone vibrating, run to get your team's colored pack. Now, please remember what color your pack is because I don't want to go over it again." Silence. The M-SP rang in Peach's hand, which scared everyone.

_TEC001: Is it time yet?  
PeachTAR: just about were waiting for tiptrons phon to vibrate  
TEC001: Your grammar is poor today. Will you please fix it along the trip?  
PeachTAR: ill try_

That moment, Tiptron's phone vibrated which signaled the go action.

* * *

_**ALL TEAMS – Various; 1**__**ST**__** PLACE**_

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**_

All the teams rushed to their specific backpack color: Mario and Dimentio red, Bowser and Luigi green, Peach and TEC pink, Mimi and Merlee yellow, Doopliss and Vivian orange, Red and Blue goomba blue, Flurrie and Ms. Mowz white, Goombario and Goombaria indigo, Zess T. and Tayce T. grey, Parakarry and Koops violet, Nastasia and Toadsworth brown, and Blumiere and Timpani black. Dupree and Goombella's pack didn't appear to be on the table.

"Tiptron! Where's our sack?" Goombella asked impatiently.

"Isn't it on the table?" He countered.

"No," Dupree said rather coolly in his French accent.

"Oh, dear me. Well, you can't proceed without it so you may have to wait until we put together one. We won't put a time penalty on you for the first thirty minutes. How does that sound?"

"I guess it'll have to do . . . grrr."

* * *

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

**

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_**DUPREE AND GOOMBELLA – Mortal Enemies; 13**__**TH**__** PLACE**_

_**NASTASIA AND TOADSWORTH/PARAKARRY AND KOOPS/FLURRIE AND MS. MOWZ/RED AND BLUE GOOMBA; 9**__**TH**__** PLACE**_

_**PEACH AND TEC/MARIO AND DIMENTIO/BOWSER AND LUIGI/BLUMIERE AND TIMPANI; 5**__**RD**__** PLACE**_

_**GOOMBARIO AND GOOMBARIA/MIMI AND MERLEE/ZESS AND TAYCE T.; 2**__**ND**__** PLACE**_

_**DOOPLISS AND VIVIAN; 1**__**ST**__** PLACE**_

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**~*-T.A.R-*~**

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_**DOOPLISS AND VIVIAN – 'Just Friends'; 1:04 P.M.**_

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"Oh, for God's sake, just read the damn clue!" Vivian shouted to her partner.

"Why don't you want to read it?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE HOLDING IT! NOW READ!"

"Fine," he said before he read aloud:

_You must travel on foot or hover through –path here–. When you arrive in Toad Town, find the next clue box. No detour in this leg, by the way._

_(Contestants must take the scenic route to Toad Town where the next clue box is located near the Lil'Oinks pen.)_

"Well, what are we waiting for? C'mon you slowpoke!" And Vivian slipped into the shadows only to be electrically shocked.

"AHHH! Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!" She surfaced and fainted into Doopliss' waiting arms to catch her. Seconds passed; Vivian smacked him.

"Get off me," she readjusted, then sighed, "looks like I have to walk with you . . . sorry I was so harsh a second ago." He forgave her as they set off to the big city.

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_**MIMI AND MERLEE – Acquaintances; 1:06 P.M.**_

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**_

"That's all? Walk to Toad Town? Golly, you'd think this'd be exciting or something! Just a boring walk though."

"Please cheer up little one, we'll be there before anyone's done!" They walked off into the plot of land belonging to Goompapa.

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_**RED AND BLUE GOOMBA – Brothers; 1:09 P.M.**_

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**_

"C'mon Red, keep up!"

"Wait up, Blue!" They passed the goomnut tree (near the save block) when these words came out of their mouths.

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_**MARIO AND DIMENTIO – Enemies; 1:09 P.M.**_

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**_

"So that's the clue . . . bland, but easy. And like wind blowing a loose leaf through the air, we are off!"

"Why such poor analogies?" Mario muttered to himself. They trudged along to the next screen.

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_**DUPREE AND GOOMBELLA – Mortal Enemies; 1:31 P.M.**_

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**_

"WHERE IS THAT STUPID BACKPACK?!"

"Ah, ha ha! You cry as if something is wrong."

"Ugh. Tiptron . . . I demand answers, NOW! Hey, where is she anyway?"

The two looked around the small meadow only finding that their backpack, a birch-y color, lay on the table instead of a robotic, rainbow colored, butterfly.

"Um, I guess we can go now." Goombella logically figured. After thirty minutes of waiting and arguing, our least compatible pair departed.

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_**PARAKARRY AND KOOPS – Distant Relatives; 1:39 P.M.**_

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**_

"I think we're lost . . . Parakarry, are you sure this is the way to the bridge to Toad Town?"

"I'm positive! See?" Ahead of them a few feet away lay a bunch of trees, coin blocks, a bush and a tattered Princess Peach doll. They walked into the circular area, none the less.

"Para, this is not a bridge. It's some sort of playgrou-"

"WHAT ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING IN MY PLAYGROUND?!" They turned to see a baby troopa still in its egg shell. A spike sat on the top of its head while wings flailed out of the sides. He held a staff made of wood with a swirly line at the top, giving it a magical feel. Jr. Troopa had caught them wandering into his playground.

"We-we meant n-no ha-harm in i-i-intruding your p-play area, Mr. Jr. Troopa! Honest!" Parakarry quavered after seconds of shock.

"What's the problem, little guy?" Koops asked in a voice only used when you have no clue as to what's going on.

"LITTLE?! I'LL SHOW YOU LITTLE! GAAAAA!!!" Jr. Troopa tackled Koops while Parakarry dodged.

"Para! Help me get this guy off me!" Koops pleaded.

"Uh, no thanks. I'll just – uh – wait over here by the silver block we passed. I'm rooting for 'ya!" Parakarry rushed off without a second glance at the pitiful attack.

"AHHHHHHH!"

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_**FLURRIE AND MZ. MOWZ – Best Friends; 1:40 P.M.**_

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**_

"This is even lovelier that Boggly Woods! Maybe I should move in with those sweet little goombas that we passed after the race started." Flurrie spoke thought.

"But Flurrie, if you leave, I'll have no one to interact with. Do reconsider."

"Okay. Ooooo, what's that up ahead?" She pointed to the bridge of stone connecting one side of a cliff to another.

"I do think we are nearing our destined town! Come! Let's hasten our step." And they started power-walking.

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_**BOWSER AND LUIGI – Forcefully Friends; 2:00 P.M.**_

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"Where is this stupid bridge?"

"I don't know, but we've been circling the same tree for half an hour . . ." Indeed, around the tree was a perfectly formed trench big enough to hold Bowser's width and tall enough to not see Luigi unless standing directly over.

"WHAT? Why didn't you tell me sooner?" Bowser demanded.

"You were too arrogant to listen to me before!"

"Oh. Well, let's just get out and keep moving on." Luigi super jumped out; Bowser's weight kept him from getting out.

"Help me, you green plumber! We'll never win at this rate! Get me out!"

* * *

_**ZESS AND TAYCE T. – Chefs; 2:01 P.M.**_

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**_

"Oh, a mushroom! How strange that it's tacked to a sign board. Need another mushroom, Z?"

"No, I'm good with all these goomnuts. You take it!" Tayce did only to find a Goomba behind.

"AHHH! We're under attack! Hide!" she screamed at the sight of the evil creature. For a second, she thought her game would be up, but the goomba smelled the nuts and headed toward Zess.

"Relax, Tay, it just wants one of the nuts. Here you go." She held the nut in her hand while the goomba sniffed it. He ate it. It worked!

"Let's go. I see something interesting up ahead." Zess told Tayce.

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_**PEACH AND TEC – Non-serious dating; 2:24 P.M.**_

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_PeachTAR: Ok, TEC. I'm over the bridge now wat?  
TEC001: Your grammar's improving! Anyway, just head on down to Toad Town.  
PeachTAR: Did you analyze the clue i sent you?  
TEC001: Yes. It appears that you must head over to the Lil'Oinks farm near the train bound to the desert.  
PeachTAR: How'd you find _that_ out?  
TEC001: I'm sorry, but I cannot divulge that information to you. Just heed my instructions.  
PeachTAR: you're still a weird computer TEC._

With that, she logged off for until she reached the Lil'Oinks Farm.

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**~*-T.A.R-*~**

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_**PARAKARRY AND KOOPS; LAST**_

_**DUPREE AND GOOMBELLA / NASTASIA AND TOADSWORTH / BOWSER AND LUIGI / GOOMBARIO AND GOOMBARIA; 9**__**TH**__** PLACE**_

_**FLURRIE AND MS. MOWZ / RED AND BLUE GOOMBA / MARIO AND DIMENTIO / MIMI AND MERLEE; 5**__**TH**__** PLACE**_

_**BLUMIERE AND TIMPANI / PEACH AND TEC / ZESS AND TAYCE T.; 2**__**ND**__** PLACE**_

_**DOOPLISS AND VIVIAN; 1**__**ST**__** PLACE**_

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**~*-T.A.R-*~**

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_**DOOPLISS AND VIVIAN – 'Just Friends'; 2:33**_

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"Where is that stupid box?" Doopliss complained as Vivian floated over to him. "Oh, hey. Find anything yet?"

"No. But I have a hunch it's where we haven't looked yet."

"And where is _that_?"

"By the train station . . . the farthest screen south. C'mon!"

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_**BLUMIERE AND TIMPANI – Star Crossed Lovers; 2:35**_

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"Look, honey! The Siren and sheet are headed to the station!"

"Oo, lets follow close! By the way, do you like this town?"

"Everything except that house with the spinning roof. That gave me the chills. And what of you?" Blumiere asked.

"I do like this town. There isn't a thing out of place in this quaint little town."

"Good. I'll make sure to come back here on our second honeymoon, but for now, we're loosing them. Come, by delicate flower!"

"Teehee! You make me sound beautiful, yet helpless. I'm not _that_ helpless, you know. I mean, I _did_ travel with the Heroes."

"I'm sorry, my dear." Blumiere apologized.

"It's ok! Let's go." And she led him to the next screen down where the next box lay precariously.

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_**PARAKARRY AND KOOPS – Distant Relatives; 2:40**_

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**_

"Finally! Out of that maze! Yet, only to be back at the Goomba's place." Sure enough, there they stood next to the Toad's house next to the main house.

"We still have a _looooooooooooooong_ way to go . . . and I'll bet no one is still here in this area."

"Cheer up, Koops! With my flight, I can carry you so we don't slow down!" Koops said no.

"Look, let's just get to Toad Town and worry later. It's really not that long of a walk."

"Oh, yes it is! I remember when I was in Mario's party in the original Paper Mario. Trust me, it's long." Koops thought about this for no reason. Finally, after contemplating this for a few seconds, they rushed off.

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_**ZESS AND TAYCE T. – Chefs; 2:40**_

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"Why so crowded?" Tayce asked Zess in the supermarket, trying to sell all the goomnuts that they took from the tree.

"I don't know. Must be some sort of sa- WATCH WHERE YOU SHOVE!" A little toad girl accidentally bumped into Zess, knocking her contacts out. "Come back here! Where'd you go? Hey, Tay, where are you . . . oh, damn." She realized what had happened.

"Z, I'm right next to you. And what do you mean by 'Oh, damn'?" she asked.

"I lost my contacts when that little girl bumped into me. We need to find another pair or I'll drop out like a fly in bug spray."

"Not bad, not bad my little chef from Crystal Star land." Both turned around to see Dimentio and Mario. Mario with a basket; Dimentio with a list.

"Why are you here?" Tayce questioned with a stern look.

"Oh, us? We're for a map and some items for the journey ahead. Not that you care."

"Dimentio. I told you we don't need a map cus there's ONE IN MY HEAD!"

"Really? Oh, what a shame." He landed, stepping on Zess' contacts.

"That crunch better not have been what I think it was. And if it was, oh ho ho, you're gonna get it!"

"Well, if it was, may the power of the stars prevent we meet again. Ciao! Come, Mario." The enemies exited, leaving the cooks with thoughts and a pair of broken contacts.

"Damn that clown!" Zess angrily shouted as they set off to find an optometrist.

* * *

_**BOWSER AND LUIGI – Forcefully Friends; 2:45 P.M.**_

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Luigi felt tired. Forty-five minutes devoted to getting Bowser out of a ditch went down the drain; he still remained down there.

"I'm tired, Bowser. Can't we take a break?"

"NO! This is a million coins on the line and you want to waste time?!"

"Oh, and chasing a bunny was so crucial to the trip. Right." Bowser grunted annoyingly. Out of nowhere, flapping could be heard.

"Bowser, do ya hear that?" Luigi asked.

"All I hear is your talking." Bowser retorted.

"Not that! This!"

"And what is 'this'?"

"FLAPPING OF WINGS!"

"Oh, that? Look behind you." Said Bowser, barely looking over the top of the pit. Luigi did.

"Hiya fellas! Looks like you need some help." Parakarry said before Luigi could figure out who he was.

"Oh, thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!" Luigi and Bowser said almost simultaneously.

"Sure thing." Koops mumbled while jumping into the ditch. Parakarry placed his floating body above the koopa king's head and put his arm down as if to lift him. Luigi jumped into the ditch to since, he figured, it would be easier now. Once everyone positioned themselves, the operation began.

"PULL!!"

"PUSH!!"

"C'MON!!"

Miracles do happen. No doubt about it. Three minutes and that beast lay on a grassy knoll next to the tree.

"Oh, we seriously owe you big time! What can we do?" Luigi begged.

"We'll think about it. But don't forget about this cus we _will_ have something for you to do."

"Thanks, Koops. Bye Parakarry."

"S'long, Luigi!" With that, the last place pair turned into the twelfth place pair.

"Wake up, Bowser! Wake up!" No response. "Bowser? Bowser! BOWSER!" Still nothing. "You're such a dunderhead!"

"Am not!" he yelled as he sprang back to life. "Now, let's go! I bet we're still last!" _Finally,_ Luigi thought.

* * *

_**MARIO AND DIMENTIO – Enemies; 2:50 P.M.**_

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"Now that we're back here at this cute pen, read the clue again." Dimentio said. Mario did.

"ROADBLOCK," Mario said flatly. "Ranch your way to a shooting star. Then find the guard next to woods eternal and show it to him."

_(Contestants must hatch Lil'Oinks until they come upon the starred pig. They then must collect the shooting star item and show it to Fice T., the toad guard next to Forever Forest, for the final clue of this leg. So far, no one has finished this either of personal reasons or procrastination.)_

"I still don't see how that is a hard task." Dimentio commented after Mario finished reading (for the fifth time) their roadblock.

"The starred one comes up the rarest! At least for me . . . I don't know about you."

"Well, let's give it a shot! Hand me your hammer." Mario handed him the oversized tool for bashing bricks and blocks to Dimentio, perched on top of the pedestal where the Lil'Oinks land. Mario walked under the bar to make the piglets come out. He jumped and waited for a collection of coins to be withdrawn from his pocket. Nothing happened with the payment, but the ball of flesh rolled down the chute, nevertheless. When it stopped, Dimentio smashed it and out popped a blue with white stars pig. It jumped, landing in the pen.

"Wow. Dimentio, you're my good luck charm!"

"It happens to the best. Now, how do we collect the item?"

"You just have to hatch more until it leaves and go into the pen to collect. The other pigs will run away. Let's get it over with."

"Good boy! Once we have that item, you lead us to the toad specified in the clue." Something made a noise that made Dimentio shudder. He looked over to Mario, who looked unfazed. "What was that, Dimentio asked curiously . . . oh, dear. I'm starting to talk like dear old Count Bleck. No matter."

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**~*-T.A.R-*~**

* * *

_**Out of town: BOWSER AND LUIGI / GOOMBARIO AND GOOMBELLA / PARAKARRY AND KOOPS**_

_**In Toad Town: Everyone Else**_

_**Finished with Roadblock (in order of completion): MARIO AND DIMENTIO / DOOPLISS AND VIVIAN / BLUMIERE AND TIMPANI / NASTASIA AND TOADSWORTH**_

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**~*-T.A.R-*~**

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_**DUPREE AND GOOMBELA – Mortal Enemies; 4:00 P.M.**_

"Ugh! You've been in here for an hour! What more could you possibly want?!"

"Well, we don't know how long we'll last. Plus, I _need_ my hairspray to keep my hair in an afro!"

"So you need eighteen cans of hairspray but NO DEODORANT?!"

"Why would I when I have cologne?"

"TRUST ME! YOU NEED DEODORANT!"

"Then you get it. I need to find the manager to ask him about . . . something." Dupree stormed off, flustered about Goombella insulting his needs.

"GOOD!" she started walking down the other end of the aisle until she bumped into Peach.

"So sorry! I-PEACH? What are you doing in here?"

"I came in here for a hammer. Do you know where they are?" Peach asked, ignoring the apology.

"A hammer? No, the only aisle I've memorized is the hair products. But, why a hammer?"

"Oh, TEC suggested that I go get a hammer for our roadblock by the Lil'Oinks stand. By the way, may I ask why Dupree is in the lingerie section? "

"I'm going to pretend I never heard that." Goombella stated coolly and flatly. "Changing the subject, how is TEC?"

"Oh, he's fine but offline so I'm on my own until I need help again." Peach said.

"Ah." A moment of silence and a high pitched scream filled everyone's ears.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! YOU PERVERT! GET OUT OF THE GIRL'S FRILLY SECTION!" The voice of Mimi could be unmistakable.

"Sorry . . . I got lost trying to find the Pharmacy Counter. It wo-OW! Ow! S-OW-stop hit-OW-hitting me w-OW-with that OW PURSE! I'M GOING! I'm going!" Dupree ran off, bruised from his attacker.

"Come, my pretty goomba! We must leave this horrid place the Toad Bros. call a store."

"Fine. Bye girls!" Goombella shouted back as Mimi stepped next to Peach.

"I kinda feel sorry for her being stuck with that weirdo." Mimi told Peach.

"I hope their situation improves. Incidentally, do you know where the hammers are?"

* * *

_**ZESS AND TAYCE T. – Chefs; 4:10 P.M.**_

_**

* * *

**_

Zess and Tayce walked out of the optometrist's office after an hour and a half of being out of the competition. At last, they'd get a chance to make up. They headed down the street to the train station to test Zess' new sight. Surprisingly enough, they encountered Flurrie and Ms. Mowz hatching pigs.

"Why, hello!" Flurrie greeted a bit dramatically.

"Oh, hi. What are you doing by the Lil'O-IT'S A CLUE BOX!" Tayce noticed before she finished the question. Zess ran to it and took one of the papers out, read it, reread it out loud for Tayce and reread it a third time to annoy the feminine twins. Now it was a race to see who would get a Shooting Star first!

"Good thing I keep an extra frying pan!" Tayce wacked the ball of light peach flesh, but a question mark pig emerged.

"You call that a whack? You should see my Thief Smack! Observe." Ms. Mowz bumped the block and stepped on the pedestal. She Thief Smacked that ball only to have another question mark pig emerge.

"This may be harder than we thought." Flurrie whispered to Zess. _Indeed_, she thought.

* * *

_**NASTASIA AND TOADSWORTH – Dating; 4:10 P.M.**_

_**

* * *

**_

The two punctual people headed towards the Forever Forest and handed the guard the Shooting Star. Accepting this, he handed them a clue. Nastasia read it:

"'Head for a port that takes you to your next leg's environment. It's a place so dangerous, it's like a jungle!' Hmmm. Toadsworth, isn't there a dock west of here that takes us to an island infested by a jungle and a village of Yoshis?"

"Why, yes! There is such a dock!" He cried, elated.

"Um, 'K. I'll make a memo to . . . oh, let's just go." And the two strode off to the dock near Club 64.

* * *

_**PARAKARRY AND KOOPS – Distant Relatives; 4:20 P.M.**_

_**

* * *

**_

"We're finally here! Oh, thanks the stars!" Parakarry yelled as he dropped the sleeping Koops onto the dirt path that ran it's length throughout the town. His shell plopped.

"Ow! Jeez, did you have to drop me like that?" Koops asked angrily, pulling his sweatshirt on.

"Sorry. Now where should we go from here?"

"I don't know! You know this town better than I do." _I hope_. Koops said

"I bet I can find someone who knows what to do! I've known this guy for years, he wouldn't ever hold something from me! C'mon!" Parakarry fluttered east, then south and in the direction of Forever Forest; Koops barely kept up. Finally after Koops met up with Parakarry, he was talking to a toad adorned in blue holding a spear.

"Fice T.! How are ya?" Parakarry asked friendly. No answer. "Don't you remember me?" Still no answer. "Erm, anyway, do you know what we need to do?" Silence. "What if I gave you this shooting star? Would that motivate you to talk?" When Parakarry held out the item, the toad whipped out an envelope. He exchanged items and turned away.

"That was weird." Koops observed. "Anyway, what's in the envelope?"

"It says to go to the docks. This must be a clue! WOW! WE CAUGHT UP!!! Let's go!" Parakarry yelled loud enough for half the town to hear. He grabbed Koops' arm and flew as fast as his wings would allow. Yards away, he could see the club and an odd colored butterfly talking with a toad holding a glass. Moment's later, they stepped onto a carpet.

"Parakarry and Koops? Didn't you get lost?" Tiptron asked.

"Yeah, but we made great time!" Koops elated to the two.

"Alright. Welcome to Toad Town! You're FIRST!!!" the bartender declared.

* * *

**PARAKARRY AND KOOPS: FIRST; 4:31 P.M.**

**

* * *

**

"SERIOUSLY?! HA HA!" they screamed into the fading sun.

"Both of you may head to your rooms. Oh, and tell the others to come out . . . they've been in there all day waiting for – sorry, what was your name again?" the bartender directed at Tiptron.

"Tiptron. And yes, please tell them to come out. They probably wondered where all this decoration was and decided to wait. I only got here exactly two minutes ago. Thanks." The two koopas nodded and stepped into the bar to find Mario's team, Blumiere caressing Timpani's hair, Doopliss and Vivian, and the secretaries.

"Oh, did you finally get out of the forest?" Dimentio asked, rather sarcastically.

"Even better, we finished first!"

"WHAT?" everyone shouted. A barrage of questions exploded next.

"QUIET!" shouted Chanterelle, trying to practice a song next to the Master Poet. "If you want to talk loudly, please. DO IT OUTSIDE!"

* * *

_**MARIO AND DIMENTIO – Enemies**_

_**

* * *

**_

"Quick, let us dash to the butterfly pixl!" Dimentio suggested to Mario, already on the carpet. "Oh, silly me!" He floated over, but was too late. Nastasia and Toadsworth came in second.

"Welcome to Toad Town! Nastasia and Toadsworth, you are SECOND!!! Mario and Dimentio, you're THIRD!!!"

* * *

**NASTASIA AND TOADSWORTH: SECOND; 4:35:59 P.M.**

**MARIO AND DIMENTIO: THIRD; 4:36:02 P.M.**

**

* * *

**

"I came third to bumbling koopas and pompous secretaries? Something is awry here." Dimentio said. Mario followed him inside and left Blumiere and Doopliss to the final run. Doopliss tripped on his own sheet, letting Blumiere take fourth. However, they tied.

* * *

**BLUMIERE AND TIMPANI / DOOPLISS AND VIVIAN: FOURTH; 4:38**

**

* * *

**

"Cheer up, Vi. We're still in this thing! Don't cry." She smacked him.

* * *

_**PEACH AND TEC – Non-Serious Dating; 4:38**_

_**

* * *

**_

"Will this thing produce swine other than ones with a question mark?" Peach typed into the dialogue box. She hit send.

_Tick. Tick. Tick. Electronic trill._

Everyone (including Bowser/Luigi and Goombario/Goombella) stood behind and awaited the super computer's response.

_DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DO DOOOOOOOOOO DO!_

She flipped open the device before it could continue the tune and read aloud.

"'Only dark magic and I could have tampered with the random generation of the piglets. It obviously wasn't me. But I took the liberty of fixing the problem so that each of you would get one star pig. After the last person gets theirs, it will revert back to randomized pigs. Find who did it and God speed everyone. Let's go, Peach…as soon as you explain who did it to everyone else.' Dimentio tampered with it using his _magic_." Peach concluded.

"Oh, my. Oh, me. Oh me, oh my. I'll give that clown an evil eye!" Merlee rhymed.

"Forget that! I'll clobber him into last Thursday if I see him again!"

"Bowser, remember your blood pressure…" Luigi reminded.

"Let's just get the thing and move on!" Mimi interjected, still angry over Dimentio's cheat.

* * *

_**ALL UNFINISHED TEAMS – Various; 4:45**_

_**

* * *

**_

Tayce and Zess set the pace to race for the finish on a high bar. Following behind by an inch ran the fair princess of the Mushroom Kingdom carefully clutching her friend's communication device. Behind Peach was Mimi and Merlee…who fell behind to Dupree and Goombella because Mimi lost a shoe and _had_ to go back to get it. They placed fifth to eighth respectfully.

Flurrie and Ms. Mowz followed gaining the ninth place spot, Red and Blue miraculously beat Goombario and Goombaria. The strange thing is that Bowser and Luigi never finished.

Bowser fell behind due to his asthma so Luigi ran back to help him make it to the finish line. But, a box appeared around them and explosions boomed so loudly, that everyone in the frame of the Club 64 could hear. The next moment, they were gone.

"Well, that was an easy elimination . . . no matter. The next leg will put you to a certain limit. All of you still remaining in tact may join your friends inside. We'll call you when it's time. Good night!" Tiptron announced. She then flipped out of the frame, leaving a lone toad bartender. Our remaining teams entered and engaged in conversations.

* * *

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

**

* * *

**

_**FIRST – PARAKARRY AND KOOPS**_

_**SECOND – NASTASIA AND TOADSWORTH**_

_**THIRD – MARIO AND DIMENTIO**_

_**FOURTH – BLUMIERE AND TIMPANI / DOOPLISS AND VIVIAN**_

_**FIFTH – ZESS AND TAYCE T.**_

_**SIXTH – PEACH AND TEC**_

_**SEVENTH – DUPREE AND GOOMBELLA**_

_**EIGHTH – MIMI AND MERLEE**_

_**NINTH – FLURRIE AND MS. MOWZ**_

_**TENTH – RED AND BLUE GOOMBA**_

_**ELEVENTH – GOOMBARIO AND GOOMBARIA**_

**ELIMINATED (LOST) – BOWSER AND LUIGI**

* * *

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

**

* * *

**

Where did Bowser and Luigi disappear to? And where did Parakarry get the Shooting Star in the first place? Those won't be in the next one, but these will:

"AH! My hair!"

"Are you serious, right now?"

"It's your fault!"

"EWWWWWWWWW!"

It's all coming up on The Amazing Race: Paper Mario Universe!

* * *

A/N: Wow that took a long time . . . oh, well. It's worth it! I'm immediately starting the second leg so stay adhered to your computer screen for as long as your mental stability will allow . . . until then, Ciao! P.S. I'm completely open to suggestions of any kind except who gets eliminated next.


	3. Tunas, Planes, and Ghostship mobiles

**A/N: The title's supposed to be a spoof of the **_**Planes, Trains, and Automobiles**_**' (with Steve Martin and John Candy) title. If you don't like it, tough.**

* * *

_Last episode, thirteen teams met to compete for a fabulous prize for one million coins and an extra special prize. Eventually successfully navigating the Goomba Forest near the Goomba's house, Parakarry and Koops managed to finish even before every other finished pair including Mario and Dimentio, Blumiere and Timpani, Nastasia and Toadsworth, and Doopliss and Vivian.  
As Bowser, running to the finish line after being stalled by our comical jester, started to undergo an asthma attack, Luigi rushed over to aid, but was trapped with the Koopa King and banished to who knows where.  
The night of the victory of not being eliminated (or banished in this case…) was one of partying. Soon after the contestants went to bed near three, Tiptron came in to wake them up. Now they are near the bartender's counter, receiving instructions._

* * *

"…Are you ready? Hey! WERE YOU EVEN LISTENING?" Tiptron had finally looked up after thirty minutes of explanation only to find everyone on the floor sleeping soundly. She fluttered over to the bartender polishing the same glass as last night and asked him something. He nodded, bent down to grab something under the counter and stood back up. He held an air horn. When the button got pushed in, a blast of sound emitted from the horn part. Tiptron, protected with earmuffs, watched as everyone magically stirred from their relaxing sleep.

"What did I miss?" Mario blurted out. Everyone asked the same thing.

"Mental note: next time, we won't have a party when we finish a leg. Anyway, as I was saying earlier, you will all start together and be held behind for the amount of time after the first pair finished. When you do that, you will continue your quest for a million coins and a special prize." All twelve pairs of contestants cheered and clapped. Tiptron continued, "Since you all missed me talking before, I'll have to elaborate later. For now, please exit the building as it is now time to get started with our next leg." The teams agreed and picked up their colored backpacks off the dusty floor.

They exited to find a starry sky and an oversized tuna next to a loading dock.

"Good thing Bowser's not here or we'd have sunk the first mile out." Mario harshly stated. "Hi Mr. Tuna."

"Mario! It's been awhile! Who are all your friends?" The tuna responded.

"Oh, there's no time to explain. So, does this mean what I think it means?"

"Yep! Now hop on!" Everyone followed suit of Mario. When everyone settled down, the tuna announced that they were headed onward.

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**TWO HOURS LATER, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN VOYAGE…**_

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

"Can it, clown!" Zess angrily yelled at Dimentio while others were doing their own thing. Goombella and the Goomba siblings got better acquainted, Dupree annoyed Peach while IMing TEC about the next leg of the competition, Blumiere and Timpani talked to Mario, Blue and Red sat at the edge ignoring everyone else and wishing they had never accepted the letter to join the show, Parakarry delivered a letter to Vivian that he had lost ages ago, Doopliss settled old disputes with Flurrie, Ms. Mowz and Koops, and Nastasia and Toadsworth witnessed the rage of Zess while arguing with Dimentio and poor Tayce trying to hold back Zess from nearly killing him. Mimi and Merlee stood next to Nastasia and Toadsworth. Everyone stopped what they were doing, however, because they felt a rumbling from underneath.

"What's happening?" Mimi asked in an unusual way. Seconds later, a fountain of water came up from the top of our friend, the tuna; Dimentio floating up in it.

"Ahhh! What is this travesty?!" He stupidly asked. He eventually fell down and lay there, sopping wet and very unhappy.

"MY HAIR! It won't spin anymore! The source of my magic gone…temporarily."

"Serves you right you big foot!" Zess called out.

"For your information, I only wear a size six. And it's not my fault that little girl bumped into you!"

"Oh, ple—HOW DID YOU KNOW A LITTLE GIRL BUMPED INTO ME?!"

"Tayce told me last night while you tried to flirt with the DJ. By the way, it wouldn't have worked between you two, anyway."

"And why ever not?" Zess questioned.

"Your age difference is probably astronomic—AHHHHHH!" That set Zess off on her wild spree and, literally, aimed for the jugular. Everyone cheered for Zess but was interrupted by a blast from up ahead. A volcano.

"Passengers, all of you, we're almost there! Prepare for docking in less than thirty minutes!" Everyone immediately sat down and remained quiet for the remainder of the journey (with the occasional ring of the Mailbox-SP).

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**THIRTY-ONE MINUTES LATER…**_

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

"Thank you for sailing Tuna Travels. Enjoy this leg!" He then sailed off to repeat his journey without passengers. They stood on the sandy patch and stared up at the volcano. Nobody noticed Tiptron fly over onto Mimi's head. Not even Mimi noticed she had a butterfly of electronic nature on her square, red-ribboned head.

"Enjoying the view before you have to trek on?" She asked the dazzled diverse collection of people. They flinched and stared at her.

"Now that I have your undivided attention, I want to explain what's on for today. First, you are exploring this island. Details on the other stuff is yet to come. So…here you go, Parakarry and Koops." She took out an envelope and handed it to the flying koopa. He took it with shock, but then remembered that his group finished first the previous night.

"Well, go on, open it!" She persisted. Parakarry obeyed and landed so that Koops could see. Dimentio casually glanced over the shoulder of the sweatshirt-clad koopa. Mario slapped him upside the head. Parakarry half opened it before looking back to see what just happened. Mario and Dimentio shrugged (Dimentio rubbed his head while doing so). Parakarry turned around, finished opening the envelope and shared the information with his partner.

"Now, you two may start while I get everyone else up to speed. See you later!" Koops and Parakarry walked off casually towards the Yoshi Village.

_**KOOPS AND PARAKARRY – Distant Relatives**_

"Do you really think we just have to find the leader and ask him for the next clue? Seems suspicious…wouldn't you agree?" Koops asked.

"It's not that simple. Here, I'll read it again:

_Contestants,  
I congratulate you for passing the first leg, for no matter how easy it may have been. This one will increase in difficulty. First, search high and low for the Yoshi leader. He alone has your next clue._

"Really, though. How low can you get on an island?" Koops asked.

"Not very low unless you're below sea level . . . But then again, how high can one go?"

"As far as the highest peak." Koops answered.

After bravely passing Jungle Fuzzies, the clumsmatic duo entered upon the village where the colorful dinos live. One even greeted them upon entering.

"Well, hello there to you too!" Koops and Parakarry responded simultaneously. Koops then asked the yoshi where to locate their leader. The red dinosaur shrugged his shoulders.

"Let's just find him ourselves…where could he be in such a small village?" Koops suggested and asked. Parakarry sighed that they would have to do just that. They headed off to the next screen over.

_**MARIO AND DIMENTIO – Enemies**_

Mario and Dimentio finally finished bashing the Jungle Fuzzies when they noticed a letter on top of a boulder.

"I'll hold on to _this_, Mario. You never know if it i- oh! It's addressed to me anyway!" Dimentio giggled girly and tucked the envelope in his inside pocket. This made Mario question the nature of the letter. He later disregarded it, however.

"There's the village up ahead!" Mario shouted.

"Tell me, plumber, are there letters in any other dimensions or worlds made of paper?"

"Um, no. This is it for letters."

"Oh. Ok, well…hey! Let's talk to that dinosaur!"

"It's a Yoshi. And secondly, what's gotten you into the letters _Parakarry_ should be collecting. Seriously, you're acting more mysterious than usual." Mario said.

"That's none of your concern as of now. I may tell you later. Excuse me, red dinosaur!"

"Yoshi!" Mario, quite angrily, corrected.

"Yes?" The friendly yoshi asked, completely ignoring Mario.

"We were wondering where the village leader is. Could you direct us to him?"

"Sorry, I can't tell you." He exclaimed.

"Rats!" Dimentio shouted while snapping his fingers.

"Well, I may be able to tell you that he's up in the tree with a red spring pad underneath it. But I can't tell you what he wants."

"Why not?" Mario asked.

"Yes, why not?" Dimentio asked the Yoshi.

"I can't tell you," the yoshi started, answering Dimentio's question, "Because I simply don't know. He never told me that."

"Alrighty. Well, thanks anyway! Let's go Ma- Mario?" Dimentio had no idea where he went. "Maybe, just maybe, I should pay attention to him more." He decided against it and set off to the tree.

_**ZESS & TAYCE T. – Chefs**_

The two chefs entered the village. They glanced at the red yoshi, who shrugged his shoulders as if he knew what they were going to ask. They walked off not to the next screen over, but to below the pier connecting the mainland and the small archipelago next to it to gather seawater. Yet, lo and behold sat the obese green leader with a feather in his ear in front of them.

"Hi there!" he said.

"Erm, hi. Are you the Yoshi Leader?" Tayce asked.

"Why yes I am! And you two must be the chefs! Oh, how delightful! Well, anyway, here is the clue you searched diligently for." With that, he stood up, handed the envelope, and walked off.

"C'mon Zess, let's hear it!"

"Alright:

_DETOUR! "Sink or Swim" Think you have what it takes to only swim to the farthest screen north with a pipe to a dark underground room? If not, you MUST stay on land. If you must swim, you must wait five minutes after you get out of the water. Same with swimmers. If you must walk, you must wait five minutes until you may enter the water again. Submit your answers to Sushie (situated in the area where Mario first met her)._

"Well, I think we should take it easy and use the land." Tayce stated.

"That's what they want you to think, Tayce. They want you to think that the land is easier, but in reality, it'll take more time!" Zess argued.

"Well, that does seem convincing. But I was thinking about our age. Dimentio's right. We-"

"NEVER MENTION THAT CLOWN'S NAME TO ME AGAIN!!! NOW, WE _WILL_ BE SWIMMING!" With that, Zess led her companion to the jungle.

_**BLUMIERE AND TIMPANI – Star Crossed Lovers**_

Blumiere and Timpani sprang up the spring pad and met Mario and Dimentio grabbing the next clue. After they glanced at the clue and after they glanced at them, the plumber and jester walked off of the tree.

"Excuse me, Count Bleck directed to the green Yoshi." Blumiere said.

"I thought you weren't the Count anymore." Lady Timpani interjected.

"That only works with Count Bleck. Can you imagine if I said that with Blumiere, Blumiere asked in hesitation." He said, proving a point.

"You do have a point. Tee hee!"

"You came to me for a reason?" The leader asked, reassuring his presence.

"Oh, yes. Are you or are you not the famed leader of the magnificent yoshi race?"

"Erm, I don't know about famed, but yes I do lead them."

"Yay! Then you have a clue for us. Right?" Timpani eagerly asked.

"I do. Here you go." Blumiere received the envelope.

"Clue Get!" Blumiere shouted to the world while holding the envelope high in the air. Timpani backed away a few steps before she fell down the tree.

"AHHHH! Help me!!"

_**DUPREE AND GOOMBELLA – Mortal Enemies**_

"AHHHH! Help me!!" Goombella heard the cry of someone falling. She looked up and saw Timpani falling to earth. She turned to Dupree who, ironically enough, stood under Timpani's shadow

"DUPREE! CATCH HER!"

"Why would I want to do that?"

"DO IT FOR ME!" _I cannot believe I just said that…_ Goombella said. Dupree obeyed.

In the nick of time, Dupree held out his arms for Timpani to fall into. A moment passed and he dropped her.

"Ow! Why did you do that?!" The newly enraged Lady asked.

"She said to catch you, and I did. Did she say gently put you down? No." Goombella stood there dumbstruck.

"It's your fault, then! If Blumiere were down here, oh! And I thought we would be friends… I never expected we'd stoop down to Dimentio and Zess' level! Blumiere, there you are!" She noticed that Blumiere had finally allowed himself to come down to earth.

"What's going on? Count Blech asked with concern." He asked.

"He dropped me and he says he dropped me because SHE didN'T tell him to put me down gently."

"That's all? Well, give her another chance. If she does you harm again, _then_ you can hate on her. But for now, let us press on. Would you like to look at the next clue?"

"Sure!" said Goombella. Dupree stepped back and wanted to talk to Timpani.

Goombella practically memorized the sheet of paper before giving Blumiere the good to go memo.

"Thanks again, Blumiere. You saved us a lot of time! Well, bye. Dupree!"

"Hey, I have an idea. How about we work together for just this leg?" Blumiere suggested.

"Is that legal?" Goombella asked, afraid to become disqualified.

"If it isn't and we get caught, the next time you'd have to see your 'friend' is at the reunion at the end of the season!"

"You do have a point . . . ok! I'm in!"

_**RED & BLUE GOOMBA – Brothers**_

"Red, you slowpoke, get out of the water already!"

"If I do, we'll be caught dead last! Besides, you were the one who thought to alternate turns in the water… and you still have a minute left!"

* * *

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**MARIO AND DIMENTIO – Land**_

_**PEACH AND TEC – Land**_

_**VIVIAN AND DOOPLISS – Land**_

_**DUPREE AND GOOMBELLA/BLUMIERE AND TIMPANI – Swim**_

_**RED & BLUE GOOMBA – Swim**_

_**GOOMBARIO AND GOOMBARIA – Land**_

_**ZESS & TAYCE T. – Swim**_

_**MIMI AND MERLEE – Swim**_

_**TOADSWORTH AND NASTASIA – Swim**_

_**FLURRIE AND MZ. MOWZ – Swim**_

_**PARAKARRY AND KOOPS – Land**_

**~*-T.A.R-*~

* * *

**

_**FLURRIE AND MZ. MOWZ – Best Friends**_

"Isn't this exercisingful? Look at how many calories we're burning!" Flurrie exclaimed excitedly.

"Oh, you don't have to tell me. And you look FABULOUS! You really are loosing weight."

"…ex-CUS-e me? You did NOT just call me fat!"

"Well, it's true. You do have a little 'extra baggage'." Flurrie splashed Mz. Mowz violently.

"Ugh! This is my finest makeup and lipstick! You'll pa- EWWWWWWWWW!"

"What's up?" Flurrie asked, worried enough to forget the name-calling.

"Oh, you do NOT want to know!"

"No what?" She turned around, the worst decision of her life. "OH MY GOOD GOLLY GOSH DARNED GOD! WHAT THE HELL?! THAT IS . . . UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" What did they discover? Doopliss. In the bushes. Without his sheet on.

_**DOOPLISS AND VIVIAN – 'Just Friends'**_

Doopliss happened to be going to the bathroom when he heard the horrific cry. He jumped and fell over, which threw off his sheet. He looked up and stared at his Peeping Toms . . . Tanyas. To his dismay, Flurrie and Mz. Mowz, to whom he just made a pact with, witnessed him for what he truly was. If they hadn't hid underwater, he might have never summoned the courage to pluck his sheet from the bush's clasp and run off to where Vivian waited patiently.

"There you a- AHH! What's gotten into you?!" Vivian yelled as Doopliss pulled her by the hand a safe distance away from the two contestants underwater.

"Doopliss! What is going on?" Vivian questioned quite angrily.

"No time to explain here. I promise to tell you later . . . er, at the end of the leg."

"Oh, Doopliss. You're getting specific! Yay!" She hugged him for no apparent reason. "But this doesn't mean we're going out! That hug meant nothing."

"Awww." He then sighed. Then, he thought he heard rustling of the leaves of the bush he had hidden in with Vivian. To his surprise . . . erm, unsurprise . . . whatever the grammar is (the Wri T. could not figure out good grammar for this sentence so he left it to my discretion) the point is that Flurrie and Mz. Mowz uncovered him and her.

"GET AWAY FROM THAT PERV!" They both yelled. "WHAT'S HE BEEN DOING TO YOU?!"

"Relax, we only hugged. Wh-"

"He _hugged_ you?! Would you really hug someone who went to the bathroom in front of us two sophisticated ladies?" Flurrie demanded.

"WHAT?!" Vivian yelled shockingly. She slapped Doopliss' cheek.

"And on top of that," continued Mz. Mowz, "His sheet flew off and we saw what he hid under there. UGH!" she shuddered at the mere thought. Doopliss squirmed and shrank down onto the ground out of humiliation. All of the joys in the world that Doopliss experienced during his life, if any at all, started to leave his body; he became sad and almost started crying. He ran off.

"Look what you did to him! Now I gotta go find him and console him." Vivian said. She walked off and let her mind wander; Flurrie and Mz. Mowz were left confused at Vivian's actions. _I bet he feels like I did when my sisters left me to find the broken super bomb that Beldam really had. Oh, I'm sorry I slapped you._

_**NASTASIA AND TOADSWORTH – Dating**_

"Look over there, Nastasia! We've finally made it!" Toadsworth assured the sopping wet Nastasia.

"At last. Now maybe I may be able to pencil in my drying off."

"Oh, cut the silly secretary jib woman! I know it makes you you, but can you at least be . . . well, not exactly human. Erm-"

"I'll see what I can do. K'?" Nastasia assured, using her trademark way of saying okay. Toadsworth helped her out of the water.

"How do you suppose we climb this beast of a cliff?" He asked.

"Hmmm. Maybe we should look at that spinning flower." They walked over and Toadsworth, being somewhat clumsy, fell on top of it and started to spin his papery self.

"AHH! Get me down from here! Oh dear, am I RISING?!" Sure enough, the caretaker of the pink princess floated upwards; enough to land on top of the cliff.

"Toadsworth! Are you alright?"

"Holy 1-up mushrooms! That was the craziest ride of my life! Yes, I'm ok, Nassy." He said, finally reassuring her.

"Good. I guess it's my turn now." She climbed onto the flower and started spinning herself, propelling her up. She gracefully landed on one foot and walked over to help the still fallen Toadsworth.

"Thank you, my dear."

"No problem. So, where's the pipe?"

It should be up on thi- LOOK OUT! IT'S A SPEAR GUY!" Toadsworth quickly jumped for it, but was too late; Nastasia hypnotized it.

"HAIL BLECK!" It roared.

"Oops," she giggled, "forgot to change the default first saying. I'll just add that to my to do list. Now, show us where the pipe is." The spear guy obeyed. He walked over to a large set of suspicious bushes and stepped on Toadsworth, who lay on the ground after heroically jumping at the enemy, in the process. Nastasia moved the clump around to find the pipe. She thanked the spear guy, defeated it, and helped Toadsworth . . . again.

"Thanks again, Nastasia." The bruised and battered elderly toad thanked again.

"No problem. Let's go." The pair sank down into the pipe resulting in plopping in the underground cave mentioned in the Detour.

"For a cave, it's awfully bright." Toadsworth commented.

"Nothing like I expected. Are you sure we're underground?" Nastasia questioned.

"Yep! And thanks for the complement earlier!" A third, peculiar voice rang out.

"EEP! What in Bowser's Castle was that?"

"Heehee! Silly me, I'm Watt. I'm a Lil'Sparky!" The baby girl answered with enthusiasm.

"Thank you for lighting the cave, miss. But we have to be somewhere on a tight schedule. What do we do down here?"

"See that pipe up on that platform?" She asked, directing their attention to the orange pipe that clearly didn't belong there. "It links directly to the Lavalava Island International Airport! That's where- hey! I'm not done!" She went unnoticed. They both scrambled for the top and sank down the second pipe.

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**AT THE AIRPORT…**_

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

The two secretaries appeared in front of the entrance to LIX (Lavalava Island International), specifically in front of the JetRed airline check-in. Luckily, they only had to check their backpack given to them at the beginning of the journey, so they flew through that. Security _should _have been as easy as checking in, but Toadsworth forgot about a metal spine implant and, consequentially, held up the line of eager Yoshis. Eventually they arrived at their gate, D13, and talked to the receptionist for further information about the flight. She gave none, but prompted them to pick a number between 1 and 12 with the exception of 8. Curious, they glanced at who occupied the number they wanted and discovered Dimentio's curvy signature and Mario's scrawled handwriting. Dimentio wrote the "and" in between the names.

"Well where are they?" Nastasia asked.

"I think they're getting drinks from a new place from outside our world. I think it's called 'The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf.' Ah, here they are now." She politely said.

"Mario, old chap! How've you been?" Toadsworth asked happily.

"Dimentio, good seeing you." Nastasia said coolly.

"Great! What about you? Staying out of trouble?" Mario asked, taking a sip of his blueberry pomegranate tea.

"You too, my friend to whom the Count favored the most." Dimentio retorted, mimicking Mario's moves only with a hot chocolate.

"Ahem." The receptionist cleared her throat, signaling that Toadsworth and Nastasia still needed to pick a number and that Zess and Tayce needed to figure out what was going on. The dating pair picked 3; the chefs picked 5.

* * *

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**AN HOUR AFTER EVERYONE ARRIVED…**_

_**DOOPLISS AND VIVIAN – 1**_

_**GOOMBARIO AND GOOMBARIA – 2**_

_**NASTASIA AND TOADSWORTH – 3**_

_**RED & BLUE GOOMBA – 4**_

_**ZESS & TAYCE T. – 5**_

_**FLURRIE AND MZ. MOWZ – 6**_

_**KOOPS AND PARAKARRY – 7**_

_**MARIO AND DIMENTIO – 8**_

_**MIMI AND MERLEE – 9**_

_**BLUMIERE AND TIMPANI – 10**_

_**DUPREE AND GOOMBELLA – 11**_

_**PEACH AND TEC – 12**_

**~*-T.A.R-*~

* * *

**

_**ALL TEAMS – Various**_

Tiptron flapped her mechanical wings in front of the twelve groups in a way that signaled she had important news.

"Well, I hope you all are comfy," they agreed, "but now, to business! Here's the deal. You all chose a number between one and twelve. Those numbers," she started to slow down for the sole purpose of suspense, "represent a number in a hat. I'll draw those numbers and the first six will travel first class!" Everyone gasped; even Dimentio (who, at the time, was listening to his iPod) partook in the surprise.

"So without further ado, the hat please." The receptionist pulled out a hat from under her desk. She dug her hand in there and pulled out the first number.

"Our first first class pair," Tiptron indicated, "is . . . ZESS & TAYCE! Number 5! You can now board." They immediately ran and giggled like schoolgirls on their way; Zess stuck her tongue out at Dimentio. Immediately, the hand dove back into the hat.

"Pair number two is . . . RED & BLUE GOOMBA! Number 4! You may go board the plane." They walked.

"Group number three is . . . MIMI AND MERLEE! Number 9! Go and get those window seats!" The two ran off to do just as she said.

"This is getting serious. Only three more. Who will get the fourth? Let's find out." Our receptionist friend (who from this point on will be called Amanda) fished for a fourth piece of paper. "Group number four . . . is . . . PEACH AND TEC! Number 12! You may take your seat, my fair lady." Peach thanked her for the complement and boarded the plane.

"Just two more. Oh, this is exciting!" Tiptron said. Amanda repeated her action and showed Tiptron the number. "Our fifth first class pair is none other than . . . GOOMBARIO AND GOOMBARIA! Number 1!" They cheered and excitedly got on the plane. Dimentio started to snap to his music, obviously paying no attention at all.

"Will you cut that out?" Blumiere asked.

"Stop being polite with him! STOP THAT THIS INSTANT YOU CLOWN!" Timpani yelled.

"What's the 'magic' word?" He taunted.

"Fine. _Please_ STOP THAT THIS INSTANT YOU CLOWN!"

"Much better. Besides, the song is over." They both growled silently.

"Are you three quite done?" They replied yes. "Good, because we have our final number! The…last…group…to board…first class…is………MARIO AND DIMENTIO! NUMBER 8!" Everyone else groaned. They headed through the double doors and, the minute they set foot over the threshold, Tiptron nodded to Amanda.

"All passengers boarding flight 1464 bound for Keelhaul Key International, please report to gate D13. I repeat, all passengers boarding flight 1464 bound for Keelhaul Key International, please report to gate D13. Thank you." A swarm of Yoshis and Toads appeared out of nowhere after the announcement and the six remaining groups formed the caboose of the looong line.

_**ZESS & TAYCE T. – Chefs**_

"These seats are absolutely amazing! Though the all red with white spots to mock a mushroom is really annoying, I'll soon get over it while I watch TV. What about you Tayce? . . . Tayce?" Her friend fell fast asleep in her chair. "Sleep tight sis." At that moment, Mario and Dimentio walked through the cabin door and claimed the seats in the row next to Tayce and Zess. Dimentio sat with the chefs, Mario with the goomba brothers.

"What are you doing, freak?" Zess asked.

"Oh, that's a new one. Anyway, Amanda picked our number last. Is there no other explanation?"

"Maybe she picked it . . . with magic!" The zesty chef countered.

"I hardly use that phrase anymore. And why would I tell you what I've been doing?"

"Well, in that case, the next time you try to flirt with a girl DJ, I'm going straight to Blumiere and asking him your life story. Only to get back at you for everything you've done so far."

"You wouldn't dare!"

"You watch me. Just watch me. …You're a theatre freak, right?"

"Why yes, I am a thespian. Why?"

"If you tell me where that line came from, I'll hold off on the Count. Deal?"

"Oh, all right. That particular line came from the song "Those You've Known" from the play _Spring Awakening_. There you have it. Satisfied?" Zess, boiling with anger and rage, agreed reluctantly.

Zess tried to ignore him for the rest of the boarding. It worked, surprisingly. Her secret to success? People watching. She saw lots of Yoshis and Toads of every size and every stereotype. From preppy to emo, from obese to twig-like, she saw all of it. It was only until the end that she noticed the rest of the contestants. By that time, also, Tayce finally woke up.

"Oh, good, your awake." Dimentio welcomed Tayce back to the real world.

"Whu? Mama? Is that you?"

"HA! She thinks you're a girl! Looser."

"Now now, let's not play the name and blame game . . ."

"Listen to Mama, Zess." The still drowsy girl defended. _This is going to be the longest flight ever…_ Zess finally declared.

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**AN HOUR AFTER TAKE OFF…**_

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**MARIO AND DIMENTIO (mainly Mario in this) – Enemies**_

"…oh, passengers, one more thing. The flooring to one of the bathrooms has been detached. Be careful when going to use one of the restrooms. Thank you and enjoy your flight." This worried Mario. _It's been awhile since the Goomba Brothers came out of the bathroom. I think I should go check._ The hero unfastened his seatbelt and walked over to the nearer of the two bathrooms on board. –OCCUPIED– It read in its red lettering. That could have been the broken bathroom locked by the crew beforehand. _If that's the broken one, where's the howling of the wind?_ He asked himself.

Mario sprinted to the other bathroom.

"No running in the aisle!" He ignored the stewardess. Feet from the door, he heard the sound he dreaded to hear. Eyes bulging out of their sockets, Mario returned to his seat dazed and perplexed. Red and Blue Goomba were dead.

_"Hey, Mario. We're going to the bathroom. We'll be right back"_

_"…The flooring to one of the bathrooms has been unattached…"_

"Mario?"

_If only they had waited. If only I had stopped them. If only the pilot kept the seatbelt sign on. If only…_

"Mario? Are you okay?"

_This was probably Dimentio's doing. I'll kill that greedy jester . . . but not now. Not here._

"Mario, seriously, what's going on in you head?"

"Mario?"

"Dimentio."

"Someone call?"

"You took out the bathroom's flooring, didn't you?"

"Eh, what?" He asked.

"Don't deny it! You took out the bathroom's floor because you thought someone else would use it!"

"Good heaven's boy! Control your temper!" Toadsworth tried to soothe.

"I haven't the faintest idea of what you're trying to say, Hero clad in Red."

"Is that the truth?" Peach questioned for Mario not only to keep Mario from saying something he'd regret, but also to keep this fanfiction at the K+ rating (the author wrote while breaking the fourth wall to his sadness and sheer regret).

"Honest! I don't know how that happened! You can polygraph me if you like."

"Oh yeah, because we can really lug that thing around with us all day . . ." Goombario said.

"Wait, What about TEC? He might have a polygraph app! Hold on, I'll ask."

"Peach, is that thing on airplane mode?" Goombella cautiously asked.

"Yes, why?"

"He won't be able to respon- JEEPERS! How loud _is_ thing?!"

TEC responded to the conversation that everyone was talking about. Somehow, he understood every word of it and took the liberty of doing the polygraph. Dimentio, to everyone's regret, was telling the truth.

"Well, I'm not sorry."

"Hear hear!" Everyone glanced at Zess. "Sorry, your monologue, not mine."

"I don't have a monologue, that's basically it." Mario stated.

"Oh, how sad. I thought you would have put him in his place. Want me to?"

"MARIO, HAVE MERCY!!!" Dimentio begged.

"Do so, Zess."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" That single word echoed throughout the cabin, the Mushroom Kingdom, even [Flip/Flop]side.

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**AFTER LANDING AND CLAMING THE BAGS…**_

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**ALL TEAMS – Various**_

"Everyone enjoy their flight?" All but Dimentio agreed. "Why not?" He shivered and shook at the mere thought of reliving those final minutes of the descent.

"Clearly, Tiptron, he doesn't want to talk about it." Zess input.

"Ah. Now, where are Red and Blue Goomba?"

"They," Mario began to choke up, "they fell through the bathroom floor."

"So _that's_ who fell for our little prank? I was worried that no one would fall for it."

"Tiptron, they died! How can you live with yourself knowing that you killed TWO innocent souls?"

"How did you feel the first time, Mario?"

"Okay, fine. Touché. But still, I didn't completely kill them! You know in Pokémon how they always faint and don't usually die? That's what I did with them. _YOU_ on the other hand had them fall about 36,000 feet to the ground with no parachute. Look me in the eye and say that you don't feel sorry right about now." He challenged.

"I do feel sorry. And I, along with the producers, the techies, the writers, and everyone else, promise never to do a stunt like that again. Though they _did_ want that to happen . . ."

"What?" Goombaria asked.

"You heard me correctly. Before this leg even started, they asked me to do that for them." The twelve . . . eleven groups stared in disbelief. "Why?" Asked Flurrie.

"They didn't really say, but now that it strikes us as suspicious, we'll look into it. But enough sadness, there's a competition going on!" This raised some of the broken spirits.

"Your main goal is to get down to the docks at the edge of the island! Aaaaaaaand, GO!" No one moved an inch. "Um, I said go. And go means go. So go!" Still no one moved. "Are you waiting for me to tell you where we are?" Everyone shook his or her heads. Tiptron sighed.

"Currently, we are on the top of the Keelhaul Key Mountain in the Rougeport area of the Mushroom Kingdom. The orange pipe is over there," she pointed to a spot under a palm tree. "Now, as I will repeat, you may go." This time, everyone dashed to the warp pipe.

_**MIMI AND MERLEE – Acquaintances**_

Mimi and Merlee emerged last from the pipe. They realized they were on a small island in the background of an area with a bridge.

"Golly, how did we get into the background?" Mimi asked.

"My dear doll, I haven't a clue. But I do suggest as to what we do." So she told Mimi (in rhyme) that they must get around the tree and to the other pipe.

"Oh! Maybe I can still enter and exit like the Count taught me! Hold on!" Merlee took her hand and Mimi exited. A second later she appeared on the other side of the tree.

"Oh happy day! And let me say…" She paused to look around. Mimi was already in the front-ground. "Hold on, hold up, wait for me! I'm still over here, can't you see?"

A few minutes later (and Flower & Jungle Fuzzies and Putrid Piranhas later), they entered a quaint shipwreck village with a roaring fire and a shop. Flavio, dressed in his usual attire, blocked the way into the docks.

"Hey you meanie! Get out of the way!" Flavio chucked and handed Mimi an envelope. She tore open the flap and read:

_ROADBLOCK! Bring Flavio a rock hard item filled with liquids and he will grant you access to the docks._

_(Contestants must bring Flavio a coconut)_

"What do you think the item is?" Mimi asked the charm seer.

"Hmmm, not difficult to see but . . . what you want is a coconut! If I remember correct, the tree held one direct! Go and get one Mimi, go back to the hajime!"

"The _what_?" She asked confused. After minutes of thinking of a rhyme, Merlee simply wrote what it means in the sand.

"Oh! The start! Gotcha!" She disappeared and reappeared with a coconut in her hands.

"Here ya go Mr." She glanced at the letter, "Flavio!" He accepted and stepped out of the way. They sprinted only to find they were the last to reach the finish line. Cortez floated with Tiptron next to the carpet.

"OoooooOoooooOoooooOo . . . ack! Can I stop doing that now?"

"No one said you had to do that in the first place. We're terribly sorry but Mimi and Merlee: you are last." Mimi cried and Merlee gasped.

"After only two rounds, you must go back home. Oh, at your own expense. Mimi, they don't take rubbies and I don't think there is a currency converter."

"NOOOOOOO! Wait, I can just exit back to Merlee's mansion!" So she did with Merlee.

Tiptron turned to the ten remaining teams of odd relations.

"Well, two legs. Three teams. And three days to relax!" They gasped in excitement.

"That's right," Cortez started, "It takes three days to get back to Rougeport so use them wisely. Now get on!" Everyone clambered on to enjoy the three whole days of solitude and relaxation. The past two were the most stressfull.

* * *

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**FIRST – BLUMIERE AND TIMPANI**_

_**SECOND – GOOMBELLA AND DUPREE**_

_**THIRD – ZESS & TAYCE T.**_

_**FOURTH – FLURRIE & MZ. MOWZ**_

_**FIFTH – TOADSWORTH AND NASTASIA**_

_**SIXTH – MARIO AND DIMENTIO**_

_**SEVENTH – VIVIAN AND DOOPLISS**_

_**EIGHTH – KOOPS AND PARAKARRY**_

_**NINTH – PEACH AND TEC**_

_**TENTH – GOOMBELLA AND GOOMBARIO**_

**ELIMENATED – MIMI AND MERLEE**

**DEAD – RED & BLUE GOOMBA**

_**LATER THAT EVENING AT 1:26 IN THE MORNING…**_

**~*-T.A.R-*~

* * *

**

A suspicious Mario could not get to sleep easily. He glanced down at the bottom bunk to see if Dimentio lay asleep. He was. Mario carefully unfurled his covers and stepped onto the cold, wood floor and crept to the desk. He opened a drawer containing two letters. (By the way, Dimentio found a letter on Keelhaul Key) Just then an option appeared as if addressing a player/reader.

* * *

**Which letter would you like to open?**

**Lavalava Island Keelhaul Key

* * *

**

Mario flipped a coin to see which one: heads being Keelhaul Key since it was more suspicious. It landed heads and moved the gloved cursor to the Keelhaul Key option and hit select. It floated out of the drawer to make sure Mario didn't go against his word. In the envelope, Mario discovered something surprising and made him speechless. Dimentio grunted; Mario stuffed the letter back in its exoskeleton. He turned around; Dimentio still lay asleep.

Mario slipped on his shoes and exited the cabin and the interior of the ship. The refreshing morning sea air calmed his senses quickly. But Mario still had questions. A few minutes later, Zess popped out from inside.

"Mario? Is that you?"

"Yes." He answered.

"I heard you come out and wondered what you were up to."

"How'd you know it was me?"

"The squeak of your shoes still haunts me to this day." She said facetiously. "What are you doing up at this late hour?"

"…Contemplating Dimentio's existence."

"Need aspirin? I have some." She said in a full joking manner.

"…Now that you mention it, I _do_ have a headache. May I?"

"Yes." She handed him two Tylenol; he gulped them without the aid of water.

"I think you should come back inside. It's rigidly chilly out here!"

"How can we feel hot or cold? We're paper."

"True . . . but if we're burning, I think we'd experience hot for the first and last time."

"Let's hope that doesn't happen! Anyway, I guess I should be heading in for the night. I feel a little better. Thanks again for the aspirin."

"Oh, no trouble at all! I have about three tubes left just in case."

"Haha! Well, goodnight."

"Goodnight, Mario." With that, she walked back to her room.

Mario had almost forgotten why he even came out. All he remembered now was an envelope and some blurry words. S_ea air may be great for calming, but not for remembering or keeping a thought._ He thought. He laughed silently and headed back to bed where dreams awaited him.

* * *

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

Coming up on The Amazing Race: Paper Mario Universe:

_Relations flair, emotions breed, and plots thicken. Not to mention the location of the next leg!_

"OHMIGOD! Are we seriously going there?! EEK! I love this show…"

"Woot! I've ALWAYS wanted to go there!"

"Whoop-de-doo." He said with heavy sarcasm. The others glared at him.

_And someone spills the beans on another contestant! Who will it be? Who will it be of? Why do they reveal it? And what is SHE doing in the location? Stay tuned for the next installment!_

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_

* * *

_

**A/N: HOORAY! Finally it is complete! Dimentio arouses questions of suspense and the death of the Goomba Bros. still pangs at Mario's mind. Zess and he, by the way, are starting to forgive each other. Yay! Oh, and don't expect immediate answers to all questions. I guarantee all will be answered at the end of the series at the reunion! One more thing, it may take as long to get the next one as it did this one, so remain patient. Lastly, review!**


	4. Three Days of Excessive Games

**It's been over 10 months since an update... is this the end of the hiatus? Maybe. I hope.**

* * *

_Previously on The Amazing Race: Paper Mario Universe:_

"Now that I have your undivided attention, I want to explain what's on for today. First, you are exploring this island. Details on the other stuff is yet to come. So…here you go, Parakarry and Koops."

...

"Alrighty. Well, thanks anyway! Let's go Ma- Mario?" Dimentio had no idea where he went. "Maybe, just maybe, I should pay attention to him more." He decided against it and set off to the tree.

...

"She said to catch you, and I did. Did she say gently put you down? No." Goombella stood there dumbstruck.

...

"OH MY GOOD GOLLY GOSH DARNED GOD! WHAT THE HELL?! THAT IS . . . UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" What did they discover? Doopliss. In the bushes. Without his sheet on.

...

"Well, I hope you all are comfy," they agreed, "but now, to business! Here's the deal. You all chose a number between one and twelve. Those numbers," she started to slow down for the sole purpose of suspense, "represent a number in a hat. I'll draw those numbers and the first six will travel first class!" Everyone gasped; even Dimentio (who, at the time, was listening to his iPod) partook in the surprise.~~"Are you three quite done?" They replied yes. "Good, because we have our final number! The…last…group…to board…first class…is………MARIO AND DIMENTIO! NUMBER 8!" Everyone else groaned.

...

"Tiptron, they died! How can you live with yourself knowing that you killed TWO innocent souls?"~~"How did you feel the first time, Mario?"

...

"…We're terribly sorry but Mimi and Merlee: you are last." Mimi cried and Merlee gasped.

_Oh! And let's not forget,_

Mario flipped a coin to see which one: heads being Keelhaul Key since it was more suspicious. It landed heads and moved the gloved cursor to the Keelhaul Key option and hit select. It floated out of the drawer to make sure Mario didn't go against his word. In the envelope, Mario discovered something surprising and made him speechless. Dimentio grunted; Mario stuffed the letter back in its exoskeleton. He turned around; Dimentio still lay asleep.

_But that was last episode, two days ago, and one- TWO teams ago. Now, we go back to real time where Tiptron is waiting for everyone do unload themselves off of the boat._

_**ALL TEAMS – Various ~ 6:10 P.M.**_

"I'M ON A BOAT!" Doopliss shouted at the top of his lungs from the crow's-nest.

"Dooey, please! This is a K+ fic!" Vivian reminded him.

"Oops. Sorry 'bout that… forgot." He slid down and accompanied Vivian and the nine other teams. Tiptron thanked him for finally joining and went on with the task.

"As I was saying, everyone must NOT loose this. It is vital for you to continue on the leg. Put it somewhere safe." Parakarry raised his hand. "Try your messenger bag." Tiptron responded eerily as if she read his mind. He put his hand down, took the envelope, and stuffed it in there.

"Do not open these until you reach the blimp station on the farthest west-northwestern part of town. Understand?" Everyone nodded. "Good! Because I will meet you there. I'm giving you thirty minutes of free time to roam about town. No more. But less if you wander over to me early. See you in a bit!" She flew away.

Everyone dashed to the local market to buy Super Luigi 6: The Biography and also stock up on fresh supplies.

Ms. Mowz headed to the Tavern and exited through the side door upstairs to see how her shop held up.

Zess insisted that she give Tayce a tour of her kitchen. Tayce was amazed at how she cooked in that condition; she set off to clean. Zess said otherwise.

"If we win, I can just buy a new kitchen with my half! Remember?"

"But what if we don't?" Tayce asked.

"…Do I really need to tell you to think positively?"

"Oh all right." She put down the sponge and attempted to enjoy the rest of the tour.

_**ALL TEAMS – Various . . . again ~ 6:40 P.M.**_

"Good. Everyone's here!" Tiptron noticed. "Now, let's open those envelopes!" Everyone proceeded but was interrupted by Doopliss and Vivian arguing.

"I don't have it!"

"Well you must because I _did_ hand it to you!"

"But I don't!"

"Well I don't have it!"

"Then who does?" Doopliss asked. Everyone stared.

"It seems that we somehow got it." Goombario finally said speaking up.

"Well don't just stand there! Give it to us!" Vivian shouted. She snatched the envelope from the armless companions and stared as everyone stared at her (including Doopliss).

"Sorry Goombario." she apologized. Everyone turned away slowly and Tiptron began to speak again.

"Let's get back to the envelopes, please." Everyone opened their envelopes to discover not blimp, but TRAIN tickets.

"OHMIGOD!!! I've _always_ wanted to go to Poshley Heights! This is the best leg EVER! I love this show…" Peach screamed excitedly.

"Whoop-dee-do." Mario said with heavy sarcasm. Everyone glared at him now. "What? It's just a snotty rich kid town that has no excitement at all! And a three-day train ride with a pit stop at a creepy station creepier than Creepy Steeple – no offense, Doopliss – and barely enough cabins to fit us all! I am not happy."

"But Mario!" Goombella started, "Don't you remember how comfy the beds are?"

"Yeah! They're even comfier than the one in Glitzville . . . the one where the champion sleeps!" Koops said.

"C'mon, Mario! For old times sake? Remember that ghost we found _together_?" Vivian asked, sort of taunting him.

Goombella noticed that Dupree shuddered at the word 'ghost'.

_FINALLY A WEAKNESS! Maybe..._ Goombella thought to herself. _I hope we get Cabin 004. That would make my life._

"Hey, Tiptron," she asked.

"Yes?"

"Is there a chance we can get Cabin 004?"

"Well, check your tickets." Goombella did and, to her great surprise, they bunked in Cabin 004.

"YES!" Dupree started to worry when he saw Goombella dancing around happily and grinning ear to ear; enjoying something that involved him. Something was up.

"Who gets 007?" Doopliss asked jokingly. "We do, Doopliss." Vivian answered, holding up their tickets.

"Hey, we do too! What gives?" Goombario asked.

"Well there are eight rooms and ten groups. Four teams will be paired up into two rooms. Your team with Doopliss' team and Goombella's with Blumiere's."

"Tiptron, please _please_ PLEASE tell me I do not have Cabin 005." Mario begged.

"You'll just have to check it out. I know nothing except the bunkings." She answered.

"Here Dimentio. I can't open it."

"Okay!" Dimentio snatched it out of his hands and peeled the envelope **slowly**. He reached his hand in **slowly** and grabbed the tickets **slowly** and pulled them out **extra slow**. After ten minutes of suspense-that-killed-but-was-lasting, Dimentio finally announced they were bunking in Cabin 005; Mario fainted. Zess casually walked over to see if it was true.

She moved his thumb out of the way to reveal the rest of the number six. Dimentio simply blushed out of embarrassment.

"Sorry Mario! It's Cabin 006, not 005!" Mario, however, didn't budge.

"And you wonder why everyone hates you." Zess commented silently and coolly.

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**001 – PEACH AND TEC**_

_**002 – NASTASIA AND TOADSWORTH**_

_**003 – FLURRIE AND MS. MOWZ**_

_**004 – GOOMBELLA AND DUPREE//BLUMIERE AND TIMPANI**_

_**005 – ZESS & TAYCE T.**_

_**006 – MARIO AND DIMENTIO**_

_**007 – DOOPLISS AND VIVIAN//GOOMBARIO AND GOOMBARIA**_

_**008 – KOOPS AND PARAKARRY**_

_**DAY ONE – 7:03 P.M.**_

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**004**_

"Ah, all finished settling in!" Timpani said, cheerfully.

"Hey, Blumiere and Timpani. Do you want to join me in the dining car for dinner?"

"Ok. What about Dupree?" Timpani asked.

"He's fine asleep. Let him be." Blumiere agreed with her and led his Lady out of the room. Goombella stayed behind a bit, forgetting she was the one who invited them to dinner.

"Hey Mr. Ghost T."

"You rang?" he asked in his eerie voice as he appeared out of thin air.

"Yeah. My friend sleeping up on the bunk," she pointed to Dupree, "is ascared of ghosts. BIG TIME. Do you think you can scare him whenever you feel like it?"

"Ooooh! A scaring! I haven't had one of those in years! Of course I'll do it."

"Thanks!" Ghost T. nodded and departed. Goombella exited the Cabin and headed to the dining room to enjoy the best dinner and a show she'd ever experience.

_**006**_

"Mario, I'm sorry! Even I'm fallible _some_times!" Mario said nothing. As soon as he recovered and discovered they were in room 006, Mario reverted to his old mute self. At least to Dimentio; Mario hadn't seen anyone else yet.

"Look, I'll make it up to you. I'll buy you dinner!" Mario shook his head.

"I'll pay you to talk!" Another shake.

"I'll . . . tell you a secret." Another shake.

"Fine! I'll go tell Koops and Parakarry!" With that, Dimentio stormed off.

"I thought he'd never leave." He finally said, repositioning himself on his top bunk and pulling out Super Luigi 6: The Biography, reading to the rythmic clattering of the tracks underneath the wheels.

_**008**_

"Yawn . . . I may hit the hay Koops. Night!" Parakarry informed groggily.

"Night Para." Koops looked up to see him climbing the ladder up to the top bunk. "Why didn't you just fly up?"

"…I don't know." At that moment, Dimentio burst through the door looking quite smug and content.

"Hiya!"

"Ewww, what are you doing here?" Koops asked.

"That sounded gay. Anyw-"

"Oh, look who's talking!" Parakarry input from his comfy position in bed.

"You take that back!" Dimentio ordered.

"No."

"Then I won't tell you my secret!" he taunted. Koops started to seem interested in Dimentio's visit; Parakarry argued.

"Why would you tell a secret? A secret is meant to be kept a secret because you're bound to a secret secrecy of keeping it a secret and by secretly breaking the secret promise, you break the secret bond of secrecy so you can secretly tell the secret secretly."

"Ugh, what is it with our youth and Patrick Star? I'm gonna visit Tay and see if she has any Tylenol."

"Say hi to her for me!" Koops asked.

"Not on your life, kid."

_**005**_

Zess and Tayce sat at the table with Cabin 004's residents, so they talked about their likes and dislikes; standard babble for getting to know each other. That is, until Dimentio passed by.

"Oooh, look! It's the court jester come to give us a show!" Zess harshly stated.

"Or maybe he finally wants to apologize for stealing the Chaos Heart from me when I was going to give it to Mario to destroy somehow." Blumiere coolly said.

"What if he's here f-"

"I JUST WANT SOME TYLENOL! Parakarry melted my brain and I need to reshape it."

"What makes you think I'd give you some?" Zess asked.

"Oh stop it, Z! Here," Tayce, surprisingly to everyone, reached into Zess' pocket and grabbed the bottle of mental painkillers.

"Thanks Tay." She was about to say your welcome, but they were interrupted by a scream.

"That was fast… I mean, 'Oh no! Who could that have been?'" everyone stared at Goombella.

"What?" The contestants shot her a 'never mind' kind of look and started for the Cabin where the scream came from.

_**004**_

Surprisingly, everyone fit in the Cabin. Dupree sat on the top bunk in a fetal position; Goombella took pictures with Peach's Mailbox-SP (it's specially designed with a camera; she used it without the flash on to be inconspicuous) and everyone else stared up at the poor... whatever he is. French dog?

"Dupree, what happened?" Goombario asked.

"I-I-I s-s-s-s-s-s-s-saw a-a-a gh-gh-ghos-s-s-st! A-a-a-a c-c-c-reepy gh-gh-ghost!"

"How, where, when?" Nastasia asked as if she were conducting an interview.

"Where else do you think?!" he shot back.

"I do have to agree with him, Nassy." Said Toadsworth cautiously.

"Hey, over there! Shut it! How'd it happen?" Doopliss inquired with anticipation.

"So I was minding my own business . . ."

_I was minding my own business when I noticed a tattered diary lying on the desk next to the Count and Lady's bed. Curious, I climbed down from the top bunk and flipped through it. There was a story about a young Toad. I didn't get far when… HE appeared! My heart stopped for five seconds. I thought I had died . . . which would have been nice seeing as he threatened to kill me. Then I screamed and then you came in._

"…That's _it_?" Goombella asked annoyed and with a gaping mouth and (o.0) eyes. Nobody looked at her this time out of not wanting to anymore.

"Yes." Dupree answered. Goombella did something NO one expected: laugh. Blumiere shot his head down at her in surprise and put his hand over her mouth.

"Wait, it was YOU that suck the ghost on me!" he accused, pointing to Blumiere.

"No, no! This was all Goombella's idea to get back at you for your stalking her all over this world!"

"DOES _ANYONE_ WANT TO KNOW MY SECRET THAT I'M NOW DYING TO TELL?" Dimentio randomly yelled.

"If I were your boyfriend, I'd break up with you an-"

"I'llbeyourgirlfriend!" Goombella spat out almost too quickly to understand.

"What? Oh, then we're breaking up."

"YES!!! HUZZAH!!! FINALLY!!! HALLELEUJA!!! GOD _DOES_ LOVE ME!!! YIPPIE!!!!!" as she screamed all of this, she skipped merrily out and clicked her heels.

"Well, that's that. Show's over! Let's get to bed now. C'mon, move along…" Everyone listened as Peach directed everyone back to their cabins for bed.

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**DAY TWO – 10:00 A.M.**_

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**ALL CABINS**_

"_BING BONG BING BONG! Attention all passengers! Please report to the dining car for breakfast."_

_**006**_

Mario for one was surprised at the announcement, for it didn't follow it's traditional . . . messaging format. However, he followed the engineer's instructions (without talking) and met everyone sitting on the floor or at the tables. Tiptron fluttered next to Chef Shimi, the head – and only – chef of the Excess Express.

"Good morning." Everyone, save Mario, responded. "Well, since this isn't our traditional sort of leg, Produc T. – the producer – and I had thoughts of what to do during our three day long leg. After hours of debating and doughnuts, we decided on some games!" Random cheers and whoops could be heard throughout the crowd. "Our first game is dedicated to our chefs. Chef Shimi, Chef Zess T, and Chef Tayce T. please step over to me." Chef Shimi remained, but the other two got up from their table seats (only to be stolen by Dimentio and Peach) and joined the host.

"Now, you all are familiar with how Top Chef works? Question, Dimentio."

"The regular one with complete strangers or the 'Top Chef Master's' thing that everyone seems to like?"

"Traditional." Mario & co. sighed a relief . . . but realized it'd do no good since both shows are sort of the same. "Chef Shimi will announce the rest."

_Oh God… _Mario said in his head.

"Well, Tiptron and the other two will be sitting along side me: the best nudges. Gah! Stupid tongue… guest judges. Each of you will prepare some sort of _breakfast_ dish for us to judge. The winner will get a special review… I mean _clue_ and they get to stay on the train at the Riverside Sanc- Station."

"Each of you," Tiptron started concluding, "Will be able to use any item in the kitchen and you will have a 45 coin budget to shop for items exclusively in the store and shop points will be given for each item you purchase. Seeing as the kitchen only fits one team at a time, we have arranged the teams in this order:

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**FIRST TO COOK – TOADSWORTH AND NASTASIA**_

_**SECOND TO COOK – GOOMBELLA AND DUPREE**_

_**THIRD TO COOK – PEACH AND TEC**_

_**FOURTH TO COOK – KOOPS AND PARAKARRY**_

_**FIFTH TO COOK – VIVIAN AND DOOPLISS**_

_**SIXTH TO COOK – MARIO AND DIMENTIO**_

_**SEVENTH TO COOK – FLURRIE AND MS. MOWZ**_

_**EIGHTH TO COOK – BLUMIERE AND TIMPANI**_

_**NINTH TO COOK – GOOMBARIO AND GOOMBARIA**_

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

"Each team will have a total of an hour to cook. When you're finished cooking, use this Stopwatch to halt the aging of your dish; we'll be judging all the dishes at the same time." Tiptron handed each pair one Stopwatch at that point. "Well, let's get cooking!" After Tiptron finished her announcement and led Chef Shimi, Zess, and Tayce over to one of the two dining tables in the corner of the car, Toadsworth and Nastasia rushed off to the store to start spending their 45 coins; everyone else returned to their cabins to wait.

_**002**_

"I don't have a good recipe for a dish except for cakes that the princess insisted that I memorize… what do you have?"

"Well, O' Chunks had a 'K recipe for an omelet meal. I think it was a Super Shroom and some egg. If my records are correct, I remember it being called a 'Mystic Egg.'"

"Perfect! Those are in this world! I hope Chef Shimi has one in his pantry." It was settled: Nastasia would handle the list of ingredients and Toadsworth would scour the pantries and cupboards for a single Mystic Egg. Fifteen minutes later, they reunited in the kitchen and started cooking. After thirty more minutes of prepping and cooking, the secretaries used their designated Stopwatch.

_**004 – G/D**_

"Because we totally _have_ a Point Swap to use with a Mystery from the store!" Goombella, back to her hateful-of-Dupree self, yelled.

"But you forget that Mario is not the only one to store items in the shops!" Goombella stood in the kitchen while Dupree ran next door, bought a Mystery and claimed his Point Swap and did all of the cooking.

"You know, for me scaring you you're being really nice to me. What with not letting me cook or anything."

"Let's just say I forgive you." He said without a glance to her. This made Goombella wonder.

_**001**_

_PeachTAR: Hurry TEC! Goombella wasted my battery power last night and I haven't been able to charge… Just tell me a random cake recipe!  
TEC001: Here's one. It's complicated though so be careful. Couple's Cake. You need a Spicy Soup and a Snow Bunny. The soup's easy. You just need a Fire Flower to claim under my name. The Snow Bunny is more difficult. You'll have to _use_ some Mysteries to get an Ice Storm and I believe Ch… Shi… h… …… Gol… Leaf.  
PeachTAR: TEC! You're bre-_

_~Shutting Down!~_

"Drat! …Well, might as well get started." Peach followed his instructions to a T and used the Stopwatch on the food.

_**008**_

"Let's be classical and make a Maple Super." Koops suggested.

"Probably a good idea since we're the likely two to make a Mistake…" They started immediately after they bought a Super Shroom and a Maple Syrup.

_**007 – D/V**_

"Oooo! Let's make a Peach Tart! I have a Peachy Peach from Twilight Town and this chef _must_ have a Cake Mix somewhere."

"Sounds good to me, V."

_**006**_

"YOU CAN'T COOK THEM A TRIAL STEW! YOU'LL PRACTICALLY KILL THEM!" Mario finally outburst.

"I know that! I just was wanting to test your vocal chords to see if they're still working properly." Mario turned red; Dimentio smiled. "I was actually thinking a Meteor Meal or some Zess Cookies! Or maybe some Frozen Fries…"

"Dimentio, you need a Frozen Potato from the paper land we just left. You can't just-" But Mario would be proven wrong again. Dimentio imported a Frozen Potato and demanded Mario to get a Fire Flower from a Mystery.

"I hate that jester." Mario muttered while opening the door to the souvenir shop.

_**003**_

"What would happen when you mix a Super Shroom with a Mr. Softener?" Ms. Mowz asked.

"I'm not sure, but I'm thinking it was a bad idea to buy only one Mystery." They ended up, regrettably, with a Dried Shroom.

_**004 – B/T**_

"Let's make some Zess Cookies!" Timpani suggested. Blumiere agreed and looked for any leftover Cake Mix while his wife bought the Super Shroom.

_**007 – G/G**_

After slaving away trying to complete the perfect Love Pudding, it fell apart into a Mistake. They forgot to use the Stopwatch.

_**ALL TEAMS – Various . . . once again ~ 7:00 P.M.**_

"Well, after careful judging," Tiptron started as the train began to slow down from its hastened pace, "we have come up with our winner! Seeing as they're the only ones to actually make a _breakfast_ food," every team but one made a face as if they were going to outburst 'You've gotta be kidding me'; that one team stood still to wait for the official announcement, "Toadsworth and Nastasia win Top Chef: TAR!" They celebrated.

"But wait, there's more!" Everyone turned to face Tiptron, but it was Chef Shimi who continued, "Yes, we also looked at the purse- stupid Cheep Cheep tongue, I mean worst. Worst dish. Anyway, we as a team agreed to eliminate whichever team cooked up the horrible Mistake." Goombario and Goombaria shivered at the name of their failed dish. The train jolted, signaling it had fully stopped at the pit stop.

"Goombario and Goombaria, we're sorely disappointed in you two. Your Mistake was worse than Dupree's Trial Stew. Therefore, we're throwing you off the train." She made an electric trill ("attempting to whistle" as she stated later) and, on cue, the Conductor and the Engineer grabbed both goombas away. Seconds later, screams and yells could be heard; taunts as well.

"Dupree and Goombella, you two were safe only because you two couldn't and wouldn't know what would come out of your Mystery and Point Swap. Now, everyone except Toadsworth and Nastasia may exit the train and wait on the platform." Everyone specified departed, but the last one to leave could have sworn they heard the words "L Emblem."

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**OUT ON THE PLATFORM AT 7:15 P.M…**_

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

Everyone waited for the butterfly to speak. She never did. It was only until Mario noticed the drawbridge's position that the silence was broken.

"Oh dear merciful God, why do you torment me so?"

"Yes, that's right Mario. You will all be playing a game to put the drawbridge down! Now head on inside and head down the elevator t-"

"Where's the Elevator Key for the elevator? You don't expect us to go all the way through this to get it for you, do you?" a worried Goombella asked.

"No." Tiptron then pulled an orange key with a light orange dot in the middle of the Skeleton Key-like design. "Happy now that I've proved this will be fairly simple?" Mario and Goombella agreed by nodding. The two led the other teams and their own partners into the building for the most eerie descent of their lives.

Once down there, the Smorgs, the switch, and the platform that Mario remembered ceased to exist down there. Instead, different colored boxes with sparks in them hovered like ? boxes. The colors lined up in order of closest to the elevator to the end of the room looked like this: orange, white, gray, black, red, pink, violet, and birch. Mario remembered these types of boxes from Merlee's Mansion in Boggly Woods.

"Really, Tiptron? Is this _really_ a game?"

"Well, we made it a game with an advantage! How does that sound, Mario?"

"It sounds like you're just using us… piped in Blumiere" the count chimed.

"Still doesn't work, hon." Blumiere hung his head in shame.

"If you are quite finished," Tiptron began, "I'll explain how this works." The party nodded. "Good. Now, you all see different colored blocks… _borrowed_ from Merlee's mansion. The object of the game: produce the most electricity to lower the bridge. Failure to do so results in our overnight stay."

"What do we get if we do reach the goal?" Peach asked.

"We move on through the night. Also, the team to make the most electricity gets the hint Toadsworth and Nastasia won for lack of a better prize." She said as she mentally cursed the weak budget of the game. "So position yourselves. Hurry, hurry! We've not much time…" The teams positioned themselves under the corresponding backpack color they received in the first leg. Once ready, Tiptron counted down from three.

"Three… Two… ONE… _GO!_" Like obsessed, crowded fangirls trying to glimpse at some famous actor, they jumped rapidly into the hovering and dangerous block. Sparks and volts flew out of the block, and followed the wire connected to the block. Though looking like a daunting task, the only side effect was feeling tired.

Of course, Tiptron had a curve ball waiting for the unsuspecting patrons of this game.

"We're halfway there, so let's get _funky_! PAUSE…" Somehow, she stopped time altogether while everyone remained in the air and commanded the floor to part, revealing sixteen DDR pads. In front of the contestants, two evenly spaced one-hundred-two-inch plasma televisions appeared on the fourth wall. The blocks disappeared.

"RESUME!" Time resumed and everyone faltered. One by one, each realized the changes and adapted before they missed any more steps.

"What sadist would set the level to expert?!"

"It was the only way to calibrate the voltage from the blocks and the voltage from this. Speed is the key! Plus, I wanted to see if any of you could actually attempt to get a combo higher than ten."

_Thank you, Nintendo, for sending me on that pointless adventure. Now I understand why…_ Mario thought gratefully.

After three songs, the infernal machines turned off. The room soon became humid with all of the sweat produced – even fair Princess Peach sweat through her dress! Some collapsed, some panted as much as a dog, some stood staring into space from feeling light-headed.

After about an hour of rest, everyone felt conscience enough to finally listen to the results.

"zzz… ! Whu? Oh, you all are awake now. Hehe. Now, the results!" She signaled a scoreboard to lower from the ceiling.

"And you had enough to get all of this equipment?" Doopliss inquired.

"The most expensive thing is yet to come… I mean, your point?"

"Never mind." He said while he turned away, rolling his eyes. The butterfly then lit up the board divided by names in a column and the results (turned off) in percent form to the right of the names.

"Let's start with the least productive pair…"

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**CABIN 002 CLOSE TO THE CONTESTAN'S REBOARDING…**_

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

"Toadsworth, put that book down already. I know you're still grieving the death of the man-in-green, but you need to stop and spend some time with…" She trailed off; such was unusual for her.

"I'm not rereading it… I'm trying to figure out why my book is all marked up and highlighted. It's as if someone made notes in here."

"Hmmm… we could ask around and see if it is anyone's, 'K?" Toadsworth agreed as the door about a room away could be heard sliding open. Silent chatter passed through the paper-thin walls.

"I think I'll ask right now." He told Nastasia. The elderly toad strode to the door and swung it open. The mushroom head popped out of the room into the hallway only to find that the only one left was Dimentio.

"Master Dimentio! I must inquire from you something." Dimentio floated over. "I came across in my copy of Super Luigi 6: The Biography markings that came with the book. Do yo—"

"That's mine!" He snapped his fingers and pointed straight in his face. "You must have stolen my copy when I wasn't looking! You're lucky Mario trampled my plan of becoming supreme ruler of the universe or else you would be suffering now."

"Now why would I steal a book? I'm not a book thief."

"…Hmmm, you aren't _the_ book thief, either. Are you German?"

"How is that relevant?"

"Ah ha ha ha… this is where most overlook the importance of counting every detail! Well, give me the book and I'm sure that I have yours. I'll come by later and return it. Ciao!" He floated off.

"That man makes no sense whatsoever… Nassy, you've worked with him. How do you see him as?"

"Depends on when. Before or after I learned he would betray the count?"

"Before, I suppose."

"He acted oddly. On more than one occasion, he said something about leaving to see an acquaintance and once convinced the team to ambush the Heroes. Overall, though, he's organized and always prepared, so he was somewhat high in my books."

"Hrm. I shan't dwell on him too long, then. Why don't we try to make sense of that hint?"

_**007**_

"It's so nice having our own compartment now!" Vivian said to Doopliss.

Doopliss was sitting on the couch, thinking about the clue, paying no attention to Vivian's rambling. _So the next task involves some sort of badge… L Emblem she said._

"Do you know anything about that L Emblem badge, Vi?"

"An- of course, Dooey. Mario and I and the gang found it in the back of Poshley Sanctum when we were getting the sixth Crystal Star."

"And then the next part… doesn't make sense at all."

"What, the 'star-pannels' part? That's how we got up there to get it." Dooplis stared at the Shadow Siren in wonderment.

"Now I'm glad you went with Slick first. I hope the other two don't figure it out."

"How come?" She asked.

"So we can for sure get into the next leg."

_**003**_

"I can't believe I was last." Mario complained to the two women.

"It can't be all bad, darling," Flurrie reassured. "You saved the world multiple times. Even in fictions that aren't even completed yet!"

"That's right, my cheese-hunk!"

"Flurrie. Those fictions '_aren't even completed yet_' so how is that supposed to help?" Flurrie sighed.

"I'm sorry."

Mario understood and said it was fine and that he was actually feeling better joking about his unfinished adventures.

"I really am wondering how the whole 'Dayside and Nightside' adventure will end."

"Oh, Paper Mario: The Temple of the Sun? That's a very good one!" Ms. Mowz commented.

"I never knew you liked that type of thing." Mario said.

"You don't know much about me then… wait, what type of thing?"

"I personally enjoy the remake of our adventure." Flurrie interrupted

"Which one?" Mario bluntly asked.

"Oh, yes. There are so many… I think it was Paper Mario: The Legend of the Thousand Year Door. It gives us so much more emotion and character."

Just then, the conductor walked in and said, "You guys better turn in. I hear you have a busy day tomorrow."

"Mr. Conductor, sir," Ms. Mowz started, "What is your favorite fictionalized Mario adventure?"

"Oh, that's an easy one! Paper Luigi X! Luigi really deserves more attention and whoever penned that one does it superbly. And on a personal note, I love grilled cheese sandwiches and juice!"

"Super." Mario said, feeling slightly betrayed.

"Oh, Mr. Mario! I didn't see you there. You might want to return to your room. Lights out is in ten minutes."

"Let him stay! He hasn't said which one is his yet." Flurrie pleaded.

"Alright. But when he does say, he must return to his cabin." The girls agreed and the conductor left to return to his post.

"So. What _is_ yours, Mario?"

"It's a tough call, but I'd have to say it's a tie between Somewhere Over the Rainbow and FlipFlop."

"But deary, those ones are completed! They don't count."

"Ms. Mowz, I think they do count. I'm Mario and can do what I want!"

Both girls stared at him. Mario just stood in front of them breathing harder than before. This moment felt awkward.

"Uh, sorry and good night." Mario said as he walked out, leaving the women to stare at each other questioningly.

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**LATE AT NIGHT IN CABIN 006…**_

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

Dimentio lay on his back looking at the bottom of Mario's mattress. He had been thinking.

_...Then there's that L Emblem thing I overheard that electronic Pixl telling dear Nassy about. I'm pretty sure Mario would know about it, so I'll just tell him tomorrow. That seems to be the perfect badge for my plans. But I'm not sure yet._

_Wow, that's not like me to be unsure. Is Zess getting to me?_

_Of course not, silly! If there's anyone that's getting to you it's T-_

_Shh! I'm sure supernatural beings beyond the fourth wall can see what's going on in my head right now._

_Sorry._

_Grambi, I really messed up today. Such insolence is not tolerated by myself! I can't even comprehend how my copy of _Super Luigi 6: The Biography_ got into their cabin. He may know too much now._

_I may have to get rid of them before I do the pink menace._

_Sorry, Nassy. Just business._

Resolved, he peacefully snapped himself to sleep.

**~*-Next time on TAR-*~**

_Finally at the extravagant and luxurious Poshley Heights, the team finds themselves going on..._

"A scavenger hunt?"

_And whoever wins will get a special advantage in the next leg of the amazing race!_

_So who will win? Stay alert as we continue our trip through the Paper Mario Universe on The Amazing Race!_

_

* * *

_**So here we are again at the end of another cliffhanger. I hope to churn the next chapter up in less than ten months exactly.**

**And yes, those fanfic shout-outs were shameless advertisements! You're welcome to whoever is reading this and an author of one of those marvelously put together stories. 'Specially you CaHF. ('cus I know you most out of all the others!)**


	5. The Search for Luigi's Emblem

**Brownies and milk for anyone who can predict anything this chapter gives intimation to.**

* * *

_So here's what happened last time on TAR:_

_Everyone bought _Super Luigi 6: The Biography_ during a thirty-minute break in Rogueport._

_All the teams rode the Excess Express as part of the leg, but because it got boring, Tiptron held a couple games like Top Chef. That's where Goombario and Goombella got kicked off the train._

_The ghost from Cabin 004 scared the living daylights out of Dupree and now he doesn't love Goombella anymore. He just likes her now._

_Oh, and Dimentio had a conversation with himself._

_And that's what you missed on…_

_ TAR!~_

_**ALL CABINS**_

"_BING BONG BING BONG!~ Attention all passengers: We will be arriving in Poshley Heights shortly. We thank you for riding on the Excess Express and we wish you good luck on your adventure. For your safety, do not disembark the train until we announce that you may. When exiting, meet Tiptron in the centre of the square. There, she will give you instructions on what to do. Thank you."_

_**004**_

"So this is our last few minutes of bunking with a ghosty." Timpani observed.

"Good riddance!"

"You know, Dupree, Blumiere and Timpani are technically ghosts. How does that make you feel?"

"Uh," started the esteemed count, "no we are not."

"Oh, come on. I've read your plot at least twenty times. Blumiere was no more when he- you picked up the DP." Goombella argued.

"That may be true, but Blumiere didn't die—"

"Let me quote you, 'BLUMIERE IS NO MORE!' Does that ring a bell?"

"What my husband is trying to say is that Blumiere's spirit became so overshadowed with darkness that he became Count Bleck, a completely different figure. Blumiere never left, he was just masked."

"But then there's you, fair Timpani." Goombella said, trying to defend her theory. "Merlon found you dying while passing through dimensions."

"It's the same reason. Only this time, I did not willingly change. I had to so that I could keep living. Tippi was just a mask."

"So Goombella's wrong?" Dupree asked.

"Basically."

"Dupree, if you mention this to anyone, I will personally kill you."

When Goombella said that, the train started to slow. They were almost there…

_**006**_

"Mario?"

"Hm?"

"What do you know about the L Emblem Badge?"

"What _don't_ I know about it?" Mario countered, sitting on the couch as he stared out the window.

"Well, in that case, would you mind enlightening poor little me about such a super duper badge?"

"No."

Dimentio continued to beg.

"Look, why do you want to know about a badge that changes my outfit to Luigi's that I found in the back of the Poshley Sanctum so badly?" Mario asked, annoyed with his companion.

When he realized what he had just said, he stared at the face of the jester, who stared back with a smile.

"No reason at all, my well-rounded plumber."

The train slowed up some more.

_**001**_

PeachTAR_: TEC, I'm bored.  
_TEC001_: I'm sorry to hear that, princess. I'd offer to dance again, but I cannot project a hologram that far from where I am.  
_PeachTAR_: Oh, it's not your fault. I just wanted something to do until the train stops anyway.  
_TEC001_: Again, I'm sorry I have nothing for you to do. We could get to know each other even more.  
_PeachTAR: _Alright. Uh…_  
TEC001:_ I'll go first. What was your favourite capture made by Bowser?  
_PeachTAR:_ Is that even a question? Oh, fine. Probably when he stole the Star Rod and raised my castle up into space. I never did figure out how he did that... My turn, what was your favourite thing you did with me?  
_TEC001:_ Oh, it was finally telling you everything. It made me feel so relieved that you knew. That I didn't have to keep secrets from you anymore. And… having my memory erased for you.  
_PeachTAR:_ Aw, that's sweet. I never did thank you properly. Oh! Gotta go, the train is still slowing. I think we're almost there.  
_TEC001:_ Alright. Good luck._

_~TEC001 has logged off.~_

Peach sat back on her bed facing the window. She watched the scenery slowly pass by as she saw patches of grass in the desert landscape.

_**005**_

"I'm sorry, Tayce, I didn't quite hear you. You WHAT Dimentio?" shouted Zess.

"I think I'm beginning to fall under his spell! No pun intended."

"Please make it so. Then I know you're joking." Zess sarcastically remarked.

"No, I'm being really serious. I haven't felt this way since my late husband and—"

"I never knew you married."

"Please, I invited you to be the maid-oh-honor! Even Mario knows of my late husband!" Tayce proclaimed. "And I thought you cared about me, sis."

Tayce started to tear up as she stepped over to her bottom bunk. Zess knew she messed up badly and tried to make it up.

"There, there," she said as she sat down next to Tay. "I'm sorry if I acted like a horrible sister to you. And I'm sorry I never accepted the offer. Next time, I'd be honored to do it."

It seemed to work, for Tayce lifted her head.

"Thanks."

The train jolted.

"You're welcome."

_**ALL TEAMS – Various ~ 11:00 A.M.**_

The teams stood in the centre of the brick circle while Tiptron fluttered on the steps with Pennington, the world-renowned bumbling Bumpty detective who also tenants the Poshley Sanctum.

"Everyone, this is Pennington, the world renowned bum—"

"I'm sure everyone has heard of me. Especially my dear Luigi— er, Mario, who I see standing in the crowd!" he quickly interrupted.

"Now," continued Tiptron, "as you know, this is still technically day three of the train trip. And because of that, we have one last game to play before we move on back to the original The Amazing Race format."

"As many of you may know," started Pennington, "we detectives take pride in our keen sense of detail and our wit that can put all the clues together."

_You're joking, Pennington._ Thought Ms. Mowz. _You needed all the help my little cheese-hunk could offer!_

"This is what this game is about today. You all will be going on a scavenger hunt for a very elusive badge."

"Wait, you're sending us on a scavenger hunt?" Vivian asked Tiptron.

"Yep! And only the teams we talked to knows what badge. With this advantage, it would be unfair for the other teams that don't if they found it first. So—"

"So those teams will begin the search an hour earlier than the two other teams!" finished the Bumpty.

"Whoa, that ain't fair!" shouted Doopliss.

"But we know nothing about said badge except what it is," claimed Toadsworth. Nastasia agreed with him.

"But _Vivian_ knows. And if one person knows, then we have to hold them back. And if we have to hold one person back, we have to hold all the people who know what badge to look for. I'm sorry."

The four pouted.

"So when I give the signal, you go and search madly for the badge. Got it?"

Fourteen heads nodded.

"So… GO!" They all dashed to the other areas, leaving two teams behind to wait an hour.

_**KOOPS AND PARAKARRY – Distant Relatives**_

"This isn't a very large town, so we shouldn't have that much trouble finding it." Parakarry said as Koops bought some Fresh Pasta.

"But we don't even know which badge we're looking for. I— Hey, look. Mario and the clown are going further into town."

"I wonder why. C'mon, you have your pasta, let's search back at the train station."

So they walked back to Tiptron.

_**PEACH AND TEC – Non-serious Dating**_

Peach ran in the hotel. There, she found the receptionist and a few guests.

"Hello," the receptionist addressed. "Do you need a room? If so, we don't start checking people in until after 2:00."

"I don't need a room." Peach declared. "But I do need to search the rooms."

"Oh? Well, I'm sorry, but that can't be allowed."

_I never thought I would have to use my celebrity to get me anything…_ "Look, I'm Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom and this is a matter of the utmost importance! Please!"

"I'm sorry, but no matter who you are, I cannot let anyone just search the rooms willy-nilly. Now before I have you kicked out, I must ask you leave."

"Fine. But know this: I'm reporting you to the guards when I get back to my castle." Peach strode out, head held high, and she nearly slammed the door.

Peach sat on the step and watched as everyone else was searching frantically. Luckily the teams that knew where the badge was hadn't been released yet.

"Oh, I have the strangest feeling it's up there! How am I—"

Her Mailbox-SP rang. She opened it up without a thought as to who it could be and read the message aloud, "If you want to search the hotel so badly, I teleported the perfect costume next to the sign. You're welcome. XOXO."

Peach, desperate for anything, brought herself to stand up and walk over to the side of the tall hotel.

There lay a janitor's outfit. This gave her an idea, one which she mentally thanked TEC for.

_**MARIO AND DIMENTIO – Enemies**_

"No! The Poshley Sanctum can't be closed right now!" Mario wailed.

"Relax, my plump plumber, it opens in a mere forty minutes." Dimentio assured.

"Dimentio, that's when the other two teams join the search."

"Oh, right. So, what do we do now?"

"I guess we could talk to Blumiere and Timpani. I see them over by the fountain."

"Okay!" Dimentio said, eagerly.

_**TAYCE AND ZESS T. – Chefs**_

"Find anything under the cushions?" Zess asked as she broke open an expensive vase that belonged to a Bumpty family.

"Not a thi- ooo! I found an entire unopened packet of gum! What have you found?"

"Just a bottle of 'Demented' perfume on the mantle. I swear it looks like something that godawful clown would make and expect people to buy."

"Well, lady, he's doing a good job! _I_ bought it!" the woman Bumpty of the household declared. Zess looked away from the remains of the vase and stared at her.

"No wonder," she said, going back to the broken fragments.

"You know what? Get out, right now!" The woman grabbed a broomstick and started hitting Zess with it.

"Ow! Ow! Stop it- OW! Fine, we're going! C'mon Tay. **OW!**"

"Miss, we're leaving now." Tay informed the woman, who stopped beating the elderly Zess.

Outside, Tay pulled out the packet of gum she had found and offered a piece to her sister.

"No thanks, I'm good," was how she responded as Tay put a piece in her mouth.

"Maybe we should search the hotel lobby."

"Good idea."

So they walked the few feet to the hotel and entered. As they walked over to the waiting area, they passed a janitor (with the slender physique of Peach) and the receptionist.

They started feeling under the cushions when a shadow came over Tayce.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Said the familiar voice.

Both chefs turned around and there stood the janitor. Its face was Peach's.

"Peach! What're you doing in that get-up?" Zess asked.

"I needed to get to the rooms and that woman wouldn't let me so…" she whispered.

"Oh. This is perfect! Peach, do you want to work something out between us?" Zess asked, keeping her question to the same level Peach was talking in.

"Um, sure. I don't see why not. What?"

"We can search together and triple our search efforts in this hotel. When we get to the elevator, just tell that woman that you're leading us to our room on the top floor."

"I guess it could work… she just sent me to clean all the rooms anyway."

"Then it's settled!" Tayce whisper-cheered.

_**FLURRIE AND MS. MOWZ – Best Friends**_

"This is quite odd. All I can find are Star Pieces galore!" Ms. Mowz protested.

"Cheer up, we all have our off days."

"Not me. Never have I once been able to not locate an elusive badge! Why today of all days? WHY?"

"Oh, here come the Koopas! Maybe they will be of some help." Flurrie observed as the two specified came out of Goldbob's house.

"Well, hello there boys." Ms. Mowz greeted.

"Howdy!"

"Hi, Ms. Mowz. Flurrie."

"Have you two had any luck?" she asked.

"Well, we did stumble upon this HP Drain P badge from Goldbob's house… but not really." Koops told them. This seemed to turn Ms. Mowz red with fury and green with envy.

"We were actually headed towards the Sanctum if y'all wanted to come with us." Parakarry invited.

"Oh, that's very kind of you both. Of course we will. Won't we, deary?"

"Yes." Ms. Mowz answered.

_**BLUMIERE AND TIMPANI – Star Crossed Lovers**_

"…and the third one only sang, 'Can You See What I See?'!" finished Blumiere. Mario laughed hysterically at the joke; Dimentio and Timpani lightly chuckled.

"Ya know, it's a shame we were once enemies. Now I kinda wanna go stomp the guy that sent Tippi away from you."

"My thoughts exactly." Blumiere agreed. "Though it's a shame I did the job for you."

"Nah, it's fine. If they didn't, I would have never become friends with your bride."

"Well, now that we're socially updated, why don't we talk about something else?" Dimentio interrupted.

"Why?" Timpani asked darkly. "What's wrong with continuing what we're doing?"

"I just thought that you were getting bored, milady." He humbly admitted.

_Quite odd…_ thought everyone.

Blumiere looked at his pocket watch and gasped at the time.

"Oh, we've just three minutes before the other teams are released into the hunt and my wife and I haven't even looked."

"Don't worry." Said Mario. "I'm positive no one has found it yet."

"Positive?" Timpani asked.

"I'm Mario! How can I be wrong?"

_I can think of three good reasons,_ Dimentio thought.

Just then, everyone noticed that Pennington was walking up the steps with a key in hand.

"I say, what is that chap doing to the Sanctum?" Blumiere asked.

"He's unlocking it. Pennington lives in and curates the Poshley Sanctum. It's about noon, so he's opening it up to the public."

"Sorry to be going quite so soon, but we must be first in line." Dimentio stated.

"Wha—?"

"C'mon Mario. Ciao, my count and lady."

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**BACK AT THE TRAIN STATION…**_

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

The two teams still at the train station were bored out of their minds. They had been sitting in the sun for over and hour and were starting to feel fatigued. It was a good thing they were sitting on the steps, or else they would have passed out.

Luckily, they only had a minute left.

"You know, since it'll take you guys a minute to get over there, I'll let you go early." Tiptron decided.

Both teams sprang up and sprinted for the Poshley Sanctum.

The real race was truly on now.

_**DOOPLISS AND VIVIAN – 'Just Friends'**_

"We're catching up to everyone!" Vivian cheered. Doopliss cheered with her as they passed the hotel.

Doopliss looked back to see just how far back the secretaries were. Those two were only back at the Bumpty house! However…

Peach stuck her head out of one of the windows of the hotel and gasped. She swung her head back in and that was it.

Doopliss turned back to Vivian and continued to run to the Sanctum.

They finally reached it and Doopliss relied totally on Vivian for the rest of the race. He followed her to a pipe in the back of the enormous room.

"Weird place for a pipe." He commented.

"It's there to protect the Crystal Star. But since it's not there anymore—"

"THERE THEY ARE!" Shouted a voice all too familiar. The two stopped and looked back at Peach and the two chefs. Thank God they were at the pipe and not the newcomers.

"Sucks to be you!" Doopliss taunted as Vivian sank into the pipe. The three girls started charging for him.

"Oh, ship… I gotta get down there!" He slipped into the pipe just as they passed the halfway mark.

Through the pipe was a ghastly sight. Blumiere and Timpani were high on the walls while Dimentio stood separated from Mario on the ground, standing next to Vivian. Doopliss walked over to the pair.

"Isn't that Slick up in that corner?" He asked, pointing to the topmost left corner. Vivian could only nod.

_Well, there goes our chance to win._

_**MARIO AND DIMENTIO – Enemies**_

Mario was inching his way closer and closer to it so as not to fall. It would really ruin the moment if he fell and had to get back up. At least he could see it staring at him.

He heard the pipe sound again. Thrice.

"Mario!" called the concerned voice of the princess. "What are you doing? Get down from there!"

"Hush!" called Zess, he recognized, as she tried to get Mario to concentrate again.

He moved in closer. Close enough, he reached his hand and tightened his grip on it.

_**ALL TEAMS INSIDE THE BACKROOM - Various**_

"**BOO!**" Shouted a ghost like voice at a deafening volume. Everyone panicked and started racing for the pipe, leaving Blumiere, Timpani, and Mario up on the walls.

However, the five teams found themselves locked in the back room as five very strong looking Dark Boos appeared. One appeared in front of Doopliss, another in front of Timpani, fair Peach, Zess, and the strongest one appeared in front of Mario.

It was safe to assume that these Dark Boos were none too happy about Mario taking the badge.

"What d'ya think you're doin', punk?" asked the purple Boo in front of Doopliss.

"I bet they were tryin' to escape!" said the one with Zess. Tay moved in to do something, but the Boo turned violently to her and she stepped back.

"Now, c'mon boys, let's not scare 'em yet." Said the one with Timpani.

"Stay outta this, Radley!" cried Doopliss' Boo. "'You think she'd learn someday..." he said to the one with Peach. It simply nodded in agreement.

Finally, the one in front of Mario spoke as it now clutched onto the L Emblem.

"You know, we don't take kindly to those that steal from us," he said. "Now you're going to have to battle us in a guessing game."

"Y-Y-You're not s-serious, are you?" Asked Peach.

"Would I lie to strangers? Now, Boos," he commanded loudly, "assemble yourselves in the centre of the room! Gather the challengers first."

The Boos obeyed and pushed the ones on the ground back. The ones with Mario and Timpani and Blumiere grabbed hold of them and flew them down to the others.

"Watch carefully." The Dark Boo said as his buddies made a circle.

_This seems familiar…_ thought Mario as the Boos started tossing the coveted badge around to each other, spinning around in the circle they created as they did.

When they stopped, they lined up and introduced themselves.

"I'm Thirteen, the scariest number there is." The one that stood in front of Zess earlier said.

"The name's New Moon. Tremble in fear when there's no light to guide ya'." Said Doopliss'.

"I'm Radley. Like Boo Radley, but not." The girl Boo said.

The fourth said nothing.

"He is Mute, and I am Hiccup."

Everyone stared at the Boo with hair. "What? You need to scare a person to get rid of them. And that's what I do… BOO!"

Everyone cringed.

"Here's how this is going to work," Hiccup continued, "The five people that we chose will pick out which one they think has the badge. If you choose wrong, we mix up and you're out. If all y'all pick wrong, you fight us to get it. Got it?"

All: *gulp* Yes.

"Good. Now, Freak Sheet. You're whiter than snow with fright, so why don't you go first?"

"Uh," he stammered, "does Mute have it?" Mute simply shook his head no.

"Alright, stand in line and we'll switch again."

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**BACK AT THE TRAIN STATION…**_

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

"…and we can't get inside!" Flurrie finished with a huff.

"But, the pipe was there when I unlocked the building." Pennington assured.

"**H m m m m m m m m . . ."**

"Well, it seems like we have a real mystery on our hands!" he finally declared.

"Oh, no, not again."

"Well, where do we start, Master Pennington?" asked Toadsworth.

"The way I see it," he began, "is that three are three possibilities. One: That you all are imagining such a thing happening."

"Is he for real?" whispered Tiptron to Koops. "Sadly," was the response.

"Two: that they purposely closed it off and are now fighting to the death for the treasure."

Everyone just stared at the Bumpty on the steps.

"Alright, that leaves me with my third theory. Bunches of Boos are holding them hostage."

"Well, that one fits." Flurrie said.

Ms. Mowz agreed by saying, "Yes. I mean, there were a lot of Dark Boos back there. But Pennington, how many is 'bunches'?"

He held up a flipper.

"Five total? That isn't a lot." Nastasia said.

"Oh, these five Dark Boos are much stronger than your ordinary Dark Boos. When Mario came along and opened up the secret room, I purged it of the Dark Boos. But five refused to leave."

"What happened? I mean, how did you get rid of them?" Tiptron asked.

"I used Lady Bow's celebrity. But that is another story... one that isn't mine to tell, no less."

"Why isn't she on the show?" Toadsworth asked.

"Well, we have to save everyone." Tiptron stated.

"It's not that simple. Once that pipe goes down, there's no getting into the room. We must wait."

"Well, if we're waitin', I'm swimming in the swimming pool by the house we found _this_ in," Parakarry said, holding up the HP Drain P badge. Tiptron stared at it and motioned for Pennington to come over.

They walked over to Toodles' house and whispered.

"What're they talking about?" Koops asked. The others just shrugged.

Two minutes later, they returned with an announcement.

"Since we can't wait forever for the L Emblem badge, we're just naming you two the winners. Congrats."

Ms. Mowz's eye twitched while the two Koopas were high-fiving each other and everyone else present was clapping for them.

_What have I done to deserve this?_ She thought.

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**BACK WITH THE BOOS…**_

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

"Mario, it's your choice now." Signaled Hiccup.

"Don't rush me." He countered.

Throughout the encounter, Mario felt confused. Why would these Boos take so much trouble to keep the L Emblem? Was it some sort of symbol? Was it simply their property? Were they bored?

Then he noticed something else: when the Boos started to switch, it was always Hiccup that threw it first.

_Why not?_ Mario thought. "Hiccup."

There was a pause. All the contestants looked at Mario and then to the Boos, scared of the result. The Boos, however, were unchanging in their facial expression.

Then Hiccup cracked a smile.

"Here you go." He said casually, tossing the badge.

"You mean that's it?" Hiccup nodded. "Er, thanks, then." Mario said as he turned to the now popped up pipe.

"If you're ever here again, we are battling though."

"Oh, he'll make sure not to come back then." Dimentio said before Mario could agree to the future battle.

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_**FIVE MINUTES LATER…**_

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

The red carpet was finally rolled out, which meant that everyone walking back now had to run over to Tiptron. The thing that confused the runners was that there were already teams on it.

When everyone stood on the carpet, the outcome was something like this:

_**KOOPS AND PARAKARRY – First (HP Drain P badge)**_

_**MARIO AND DIMENTIO – Second (L Emblem badge)**_

_**Everyone Else – Third (not being last ones on the carpet)**_

**BLUMIERE AND TIMPANI – Last (getting there last)**

"Which means, I'm sorry to the both of you, but you must leave. Is there anything you want to say before you go?"

"Yes." Timpani said. "I just want to thank you guys for the opportunity. On the trip, we got to explore the other worlds that Blumiere might have destroyed had Mario not stopped him and we had a blast."

"Mario, I'll be praying for you. Don't give up if Dimentio's annoying you ("Hey!" shouted Dimentio.). Peach, TEC, I'm sure things will work out for you. And you too Doopliss and Vivian."

"Goombella, I'm sorry I ever made you think I disliked you."

"It's fine."

"Well, good-bye." Blumiere said before they flipped out back to their perfect dimension.

"Bye!" cried everyone. They disappeared.

"Now that there's just us," started Tiptron, "I say we continue this competition, wouldn't you agree? Now, you may want to step back."

The contestants listened to her. When they were back enough, a pipe came up from the centre of the bricks.

"Now I said earlier that the finder of the badge would get a special advantage. I fibbed. The advantage was keeping the badge."

Koops and Parakarry, upon hearing that, dropped their jaws.

"But you also get to go down first!" she added quickly. The two Koopas stared at each other and shrugged. They stepped to the pipe.

"It's really chilly… Where does it go?"

"You'll find out when you go down it."

So they did with everyone else following suit. Tiptron followed last.

**~*-T.A.R-*~**

_Next time, the teams freeze their buns off to survive this crazy wintry wonderland!_

"Which way are we going?"

"WHAA!"

"H-Hello?"

"I can't take this anymore… Can't we not and say we did?"

"You're doing this one."

_Who will go home next time? Find out on TAR!_

_

* * *

_

**Not too shabby, eh? I honestly whipped this chapter out right after I posted the last one. :D But now I don't have the other one written yet... D: And I think I kinda rushed the ending. DX**


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